


A Whole Mess

by greatbigvoid



Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Black Panther (2018), Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bullied Peter, F/F, F/M, Flash is an Asshole, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sensory Overload, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Steve Rogers Will Fight You, Twitter, also this lowkey steve centric oops, characters are honestly ooc, don’t make steve angry, flash can never shut up, i just love him too damn much, idk why i made this, or you will regret it, peter cries and it’s sad, steve almost cries bc he’s upset
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2019-12-30 16:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 22,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18319145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greatbigvoid/pseuds/greatbigvoid
Summary: A look into the life of the Avengers through Twitter and their group chat, now with a side of plot thrown in!





	1. I Couldn’t Write a Whole Field Trip Fic So Here’s This Instead

**Author's Note:**

> i got bored so this fic became a thing. will i update it regulary? probably not but who knows. i hope this is somewhat entertaining to someone lol. if you like it let me know! and suggest stuff you would want to see in the future!
> 
> also in this peter and steve are soulmates so if you don’t like that then maybe only read certain parts? idk but don’t attack me thanks.

**Spiderman** @spideysense

someone save me,,, my class is taking a field trip to my house,,,,, why does this happen to me :///

 

 **Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

_In reply to @spideysense_

If that one kid harasses you I’ll come down there and deck him so fast

 

 **Spiderman** @spideysense

_In reply to @buckybarnes_

omg bucky no!!! i can handle it don’t hurt anyone!!!

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @spideysense_

You do realize you’ve tweeted that on the wrong account, right??

 

 **Spiderman** @spideysense

_In reply to @tonystark_

oh fuck,,,,,

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @spideysense and @tonystark_

Language!

 

-

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

wait a minute…. why is spiderman going on a field trip?? is he still in high school or something ??? and does this confirm my theory that he lives in the stark tower ?

 

 **rachel** @canipleasegetawaffle

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay_

it would make sense that he lives at the tower since we always see him there omg

 

 **griffyn** @imboredoutofmymind

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay and @canipleasegetawaffle_

dude,,,, i have friends at midtown in queens and they told me they’re going to the stark tower today

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

_In reply to @imboredoutofmymind_

holy shit ! that’s basically conformation that spiderman is in highschool omg,,,, @spiderman plz tell us the truth sis

 

-

 

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

 **petey:** i just exposed myself send help

 

 **wanda:** they don’t know that it’s you though so i wouldn’t stress about it

 

 **petey:** but what if they do find out??,,,, i’m already teased about the “internship” imagine if they knew i was spiderman !

 

 **princess shuri:** then you man up and punch them in the face,,, quit being a broken white boy that’s tony’s job

 

 **Tony:** Shuri stop insulting me or I’ll kick you out again

 

 **princess shuri:** fine mr. stark

 

 **Tony:** And don’t call me that!!

 

 **Tony:** Anyway… if they find out just tell them that all of us (especially Stevie) will come after them if they even think about insulting you :)

 

 **petey:** i can’t threaten them, that’s not how this works !!!

 

 **wanda:** i’m not a fan of threatening people but i agree with tony on this

 

 **petey:** of course you do ! why do none of you seem worried about this ???

 

 **princess shuri:** because it’s not a big deal white boy! and tony (while being broken) is right! i would have the entire nation of wakanda fight for you, my spider child!

 

 **petey:** you’re so dramatic,,,, but thanks. and you know i feel about being called that !

 

 **Tony:** Quit calling me broken, Shuri

 

 **princess shuri:** but am i wrong??

 

**Tony:**

 

 **Tony:** Shut up.

 

_*princess shuri has been removed from the group*_

 

-

 

“God, I’m so screwed,” Peter groans, putting his head in his hands. “You’ll be fine, Peter. Nobody thinks it’s you anyways.” MJ says, sitting next to him on the bus seat while Ned sits in front of them. He sighs and sits back up, looking out the window. He can’t believe he tweeted about going to the tower on the Spiderman account; god, he’s such an idiot. Luckily, all of his peers who are trying to guess who Spiderman is think it’s Flash (ew), who keeps denying it.

 

“Come on guys! If I was Spiderman, do you really think I’d keep it a secret?” Flash has a point, and Peter’s suddenly worried about his school finding out the truth _again_ (it’s not like he was worrying ten seconds ago). “Besides, if anyone on this bus is going to say they’re Spiderman, it’ll probably be Parker since he already thinks he’s so cool because he’s an ‘ _intern_ ’ there.”

 

Peter stops breathing for a second, terrified that Flash somehow knows the truth, before MJ elbows him. “Chill out, loser.” He glares at her and takes a deep breath, rubbing the name on his wrist with his thumb. _Steve Grant Rogers_. It makes him feel warm and safe inside whenever he does this, knowing that despite all the teasing about him being a liar, the soulmate mark on his body is undeniably real. Peter bites his lip as his skin tingles, feeling Steve doing the same thing to his wrist.

 

“So, _Penis Parker_ , what’s it like being Spiderman? Are you part of the Avengers now since Tony Stark loves you so much?” Peter suddenly feels more pissed off than he has been at Flash in a while, and presses down his urge to throw Flash out the window. “Leave me the fuck alone, you dick!” He yells, making everyone on the bus go silent. “I’m tired of you always bringing up how my internship is fake and how all I want is attention, when you don’t know shit! If I really wanted to I could throw your stupid ass out the window before you can say Penis Parker, you dumbfuck!”

 

Flash stares at him with wide eyes, looking terrified. It makes Peter feel smug, knowing he can scare Flash without having the suit on. He never thought he would stand up to Flash, let alone on a field trip to his house. The bus rolls to a stop outside of Stark Tower and Peter pushes past everyone, making a beeline to the lobby. Once inside he sees Steve, who pulls him towards the private elevators. “Are you alright, honey? What’s going on?” His voice is so full of concern that it makes him want to cry, knowing that his soulmate cares for him so much. He buries his face in Steve’s neck and starts sobbing, all of the stress making his emotions go through the roof. Steve’s strong arms wrap around him and he feels so safe and secure and loved that it almost physically hurts him. “You’re okay, sweetheart, you’re okay. I’m right here, honey, you’re safe with me.”

 

Steve keeps whispering sweet nothings to him and running his hands through his hair in a desperate attempt to calm him down. Eventually Peter’s breathing evens out and the tears stop, but Steve is still holding him tightly. “Why don’t we go to our floor, sweetie? Then you can tell me what happened, okay?” Steve lifts him up and Peter wraps his legs around his waist, face still pressed against his neck. As the elevator goes up, Peter feels exhausted and tries to not fall asleep, but fails in doing so. He misses Steve’s sad smile when he notices the boy is asleep, and when he kisses his forehead gently, trying to comfort him even while he isn’t awake.

 

-

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

i just woke up and honestly thank god for steve rogers,, i seriously love him more than anything

 

 **Black Widow** @widowsbite

rt

 

 **Hawkeye** @birdman

rt

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

rt

 

 **Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

rt

 

 **Bruce Banner** @sciencebro

rt

 

 **Asgardian Prince** @thor

rt

 

 **Trickster** @loki

rt

 

 **What Are Those?** @princesshuri

rt

 

 **Black Panther** @tchalla

rt

 

 **Falcon** @samwilson

rt

 

-

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

okay @spiderman plz tell us if you’re peter parker because i’m 99% sure you are

 

 **griffyn** @imboredoutofmymind

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay_

dude,,, it def is since my friends said he yelled at a kid who said he was spiderman as a joke and is like his bully you know? and then he ran off and didn’t show up for the rest of the trip

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

_In reply to @imboredoutofmymind_

this is totally proof omg,,,, @spiderman i want the truth !!

 

 **Spiderman** @spideysense

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay_

okay fine,,,, i’m @peterparkour i’ve exposed myself now goodbye

 

 **CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

_In reply to @spideysense_

We still need to have the press conference, Peter.

 

 **Spiderman** @spideysense

_In reply to @pepperpotts_

i hate those but i’ll only do it bc you said so

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @spideysense_

I’m surprised you outed yourself, kiddo

 

 **Spiderman** @spideysense

_In reply to @tonystark_

i was going to do it eventually,,,,

 


	2. In This House We Hate Press Conferences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is nervous about revealing he’s Spiderman in real life after exposing himself on Twitter like the idiot he is and then shit happens, you know? I’m bad at summaries so you should read the chapter lmao.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so i thought it was going to take me ages to write another chapter but nope! i wrote this one yesterday bc i don’t have writer’s block anymore it’s a miracle.
> 
> thank you to the people who left comments on the last chapter, it really made my day! :)
> 
> and time to clarify who ppl in the group chat are:  
> Raccoon Eyes- Bucky   
> On your left- Sam   
> Agent- Phil  
> Gotta Go Fast- Pietro  
> I’m A Bird Motherfucker- Clint  
> Badass Bitch- Natasha  
> Pirate Grandad- Fury
> 
> anyway thanks for reading and i hope you like this chapter :)

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

**petey:** guys,,,,, i’m so nervous for today oh my goD

 

**Stevie** : It’ll be fine sweetheart, you need to stop worrying so much

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** Says the punk who constantly worries about everyone in their damn life

 

**Stevie:** Fuck off, James

 

**Tony:** Oh god, he said Bucky’s real name and is swearing that means Stevie is mad @peter do something

 

**petey:** he’s only mad bc he can’t be at the press conference with me,,,, you’re the genius tony you should figure this out

 

**Tony:** Be quiet or I’ll kick you out

 

**wanda:** wait tony add shuri back in

 

**Tony:** …

 

**Tony:** ugh fine

 

_ *princess shuri has been added to the group* _

 

**princess shuri:** spider child don’t worry! brother and i are coming today and we will gladly make fun of tony’s tech after this nightmare is over

 

**Tony:** Don’t make me kick you out again because I will and I won’t have any sympathy.

 

**princess shuri:** *rolls eyes* sure, jan

 

**Stevie:** You two are stupid don’t @ me. Peter, once it’s over I’ll be back home, so please don’t run off with Shuri because I want to see you so I don’t start crying

 

**petey:** shuri,,, while i love you sm, i would never leave stevie for you so we’ll have to make fun of the primitive technology later

 

**princess shuri:** the only reason i’m agreeing to not dragging you off is bc i can’t stand seeing steve cry

 

**On your left:** Steve’s actually close to tears now because he can’t be with Peter

 

**Stevie:** Quit calling me out, b i t c h

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** Imagine if America knew what Steve is really like, there would be a fucking uproar 

 

**Agent:** I think they would be as shocked as I was.

 

**Maria** : You almost had a heart attack when you saw Steve with the flamethrowers

 

**Gotta Go Fast:** i think we all almost had heart attacks

 

**wanda:** yeah that was pretty terrifying

 

**Pepper:** Shouldn’t we be trying to comfort Peter instead of talking about Steve?

 

**Tony:** Shouldn’t you be running a conference?

 

**Tony:** Oh shit I shouldn’t have said that

 

**Pepper:** We’ll talk about it later, Tony.

 

**I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** tony’s cause of death: an angry pepper potts

 

**Badass Bitch:** i’m surprised he didn’t die a long time ago

 

**petey:** lmao this is actually cheering me up thanks guys

 

**Stevie:** I love you Peter it’ll be okay *heart emoji*

 

**petey:** i love you too stevie you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me

 

**Tony:** Am I not important? I’m the one who made you the damn suit, kid.

 

**Stevie:** Shut the fuck up, Stark

 

**Pepper:** You’re all ridiculous. The press conference is about to start in case any of you actually want to watch it.

 

**I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** okay but who wouldn’t want to see peter on tv? like that shit is a big deal

 

-

 

As soon as he steps into the room, Peter’s nerves are through the roof. Despite the fact he’s in the Spiderman suit, he feels exposed with all the cameras aimed at him and flashing in his face. He steps up to the podium and gives a little wave, smiling under the mask even though nobody can tell. “Hey guys, it’s Spiderman and since I’m super nervous about this, I’m just gonna get this part over with,” He laughs nervously before taking off the mask, revealing his face to the (possibly) millions of people watching. The reporters and journalists immediately are on their feet and are shouting out questions, and Peter can hear his heart beating loudly in his ears.

 

He takes a step back from the podium and leans against the wall, putting his head in his hands. His head starts to pound and  _ oh god, why, _ he knows what is going to happen. Peter suddenly wishes that Steve was there to comfort him, to help him get through the nightmare that is sensory overload. He feels hands on his wrists and he can barely make out Pepper’s voice before the whole room is way too loud and his head starts to hurt and he feels like he can’t breathe and  _ where’s Steve _ and-

 

He collapses on the floor and the room is suddenly still and quiet, but that doesn’t ease Peter’s senses. He can still hear the cars outside the tower and all of the people inside and out of the building, and all of it’s too much for his brain to handle because he starts to shake and his head feels like it could split open. Peter knows he’s hyperventilating, but he still can’t breathe properly and all he wants is his soulmate to come and hold him- to protect him. He feels tears roll down his cheeks and prays to anyone out there that he’s not being filmed because the world shouldn’t see this- they shouldn’t see how weak Spiderman truly is.

 

_ “You’re not weak because of this, Peter. You’re the strongest person I know and you experiencing this isn’t going to change that, trust me,” _ Steve’s voice runs through Peter’s head as he lies on the ground, hands gripping his hair as the pain in his head gets worse.  _ “I have to deal with the same thing too, you know. The serum made all my senses intensify, just like the spider bite did to you. But you don’t think I’m weak do you? No, you don’t. So you shouldn’t see yourself as weak, Peter. Don’t you ever think that because it’s not the damn truth.” _

 

He hears the footsteps of people leaving the room, but they sound muffled and distant, unlike the beating of his heart. He barely registers the hand running up and down his back and the soft words spoken to him, trying to let him know that he’s okay. Then like taking a breath of fresh air, the roaring of his heart stops and the pain in his head is gone, replaced by the gentle touch of hands.  _ Steve’s hands _ , his mind supplies while he blinks open his eyes, looking up at his soulmate.

 

“Hey honey, are you alright?” Steve has tears in his eyes and it hurts Peter to know that he’s the reason why they’re there. “Hey, hey, don’t think like that, sweetheart. I just hate seeing you like this, especially when I couldn’t be here earlier.” His voice is a soft whisper and Peter just wants to cry more thinking about how Steve- a super-soldier who’s all muscle and toughness- can be so considerate and loving. Tears roll down his face and his lover brushes them away, smiling at him and looking at Peter like he’s the only thing that matters.

 

-

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

hey guys, so i wanted to apologize for what happened at the press conference. i have sensory overload issues and being in that room triggered them, so i basically had a no bueno time when everyone started yelling questions out at me (1 / 2)

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

i’ve read some comments and thank you guys for your support and nice words, it really means a lot to me especially since me being a hot mess is now all over the internet (2 / 2)

 

**sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_ In reply to @spideysense _

i’m proud of you for even going up there, loser

 

**guy in the chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @spideysense _

when you’re feeling up to it you can come build the new lego millenium falcon with me :)

 

**sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_ In reply to @spideysense and @nedleeds _

you guys are losers

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_ In reply to @nedleeds and @michellejones _

uwu thanks ned ily :) and why do you hang out with us if you think we’re losers mj ?

 

**What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @spideysense, @nedleeds, and @michellejones _

because she loves you but won’t admit it

 

**sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_ In reply to @princesshuri _

don’t make me fight you

 

-

 

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** Stevie, how’s Peter doing??

 

**Stevie:** He’s doing a lot better now thank god

 

**Tony:** Don’t say the Lord’s name in vain, Steve

 

**Stevie:** Shut up u g l y

 

**Tony:** How dare you call me ugly you punk bitch!

 

_ *Stevie has been removed from the group* _

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** Add Stevie back you asshole

 

**Tony:** No! He called me ugly, it’s what he deserves.

 

**Pepper:** Tony, stop being a pain in everyone’s asses for a few minutes, please. I’m begging you.

 

**Tony:** But Pepper, it’s my natural state of being! If I can’t be a pain in the ass then what can I be?

 

**Rhodes:** An idiot.

 

**Tony:** Is today “Attack Tony Stark Day” because I think it is. Where are my friends?

 

**On your left:** Apparently not on this planet

 

**Tony:** Fuck you, Wilson.

 

**I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** you’re the one who started it tony why are you so surprised

 

**Pirate Grandad:** Why on Earth am I in this fuckery of a group text?

 

**Maria:** Because Phil added you to it

 

**Agent:** If we have to deal with this, you do too.

 

**Agent:** Tony, just add Steve back and stop giving all of us gray hairs, thank you.

 

**Tony:** I hate all of you.

 

_ *Stevie has been added to the group* _

 

**Stevie:** You know we all love you, right Tony?

 

**Tony:** If you make me cry Steve I’m kicking you out again.

 

**petey:** if you kick him out again,,,, i’m fucking decking you tony (but ily)

 

**Tony:** Okay, fine Steve can stay… for now.

  
**Pepper:** You know what guys? Today has been way too long and I think we should all go to bed, so goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii let me know what you think of this chapter k bye


	3. Important Lesson: Don’t Eat Steve’s Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody wants to deal with an angry Steve so they face the consequences- aka being exposed on Twitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can’t believe i’m updating this regularly, it’s wild. i feel bad for all my other lowkey abandoned stories. i’m happy people like this, i thought nobody would lol. i hope you like this chapter!

**Don’t Mess With Me** @fury

The Avengers group chat is my worst nightmare

 

 **Maria Hill** @mariahill

_In reply to @fury_

It’s not that bad you’re just dramatic

 

 **Don’t Mess With Me** @fury

_In reply to @mariahill_

If I say it’s that bad, then it is that bad

 

-

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

@peterparkour what happens in the avengers group chat sis,,,, give us the tea

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay_

well tony is an idiot, america would stroke out if they knew what steve is really like, pepper is tired of our shit, but it’s a great time

 

 **griffyn** @imboredoutofmymind

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay and @peterparkour_

wait,,,,, what is steve like??

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @everyonesucks, @peterparkour, and @imboredoutofmymind_

He’s a punk ass bitch who we all somehow love way too much

 

 **Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

_In reply to @everyonesucks, @peterparkour_

I feel like that accurately describes Peter too

 

-

 

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

 **Stevie:** Which one of you fuckers ate my cookies

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Guys, hide your kids, hide your wife, we’re all screwed

 

 **wanda:** please don’t kill us

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** none of us are safe

 

 **Badass Bitch:** the only thing i’m afraid of is an angry steve rogers and that’s saying something

 

 **princess shuri:** if anyone involves me in this,,,, you will be hunted down

 

 **petey:** now i feel like ur involved shuri,,,, what are you hiding

 

 **princess shuri:** nothing

 

 **Stevie:** One of you idiots better answer the damn question

 

 **Stevie:** Or I’ll expose all of you

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** You wouldn’t dare, Rogers.

 

 **Stevie:** Oh but I would, Fury. You clearly don’t know me at all

 

 **On your left:** Why is this a part of my life

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Because Stevie dragged you to the tower after he knew you for like half a second

 

 **Agent:** Is anyone going to answer Steve’s question?

 

 **Maria:** It’s highly unlikely despite the consequences

 

 **Pepper:** Steve, can’t we find a much better solution than exposing people online?

 

 **Stevie:** Fuck no, Pepper that’s the best thing to do

 

 **Stevie:** You shouldn’t be surprised by any of this

 

 **Tony:** We’re definitely not surprised, just slightly concerned for our lives

 

 **Stevie:** You act like me telling the world your secrets in a threat to you life

 

 **Badass Bitch:** because it basically is

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** if natasha thinks it is then so do all of us

 

 **Grandad Pirate:** Why can’t I mute this shit goddamn. Stark, I blame you.

 

 **Tony:** Why does everyone put the blame on me?

 

 **Rhodes:** Because you do something stupid every two seconds

 

 **JARVIS:** I must agree with Colonel Rhodes.

 

 **Tony:** Jarvis?? How the fuck did you get on here

 

 **Stevie:** J, who ate my cookies?

 

 **petey:** jarvis please don’t answer that, i don’t want to die by the hands of my soulmate

 

 **Bruce:** This is exactly why I put this group chat on silent

 

-

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

Okay, time to expose the Avengers because they can’t be trusted

 

 **Maria Hill** @mariahill

_In reply to @steverogers_

All of our reputations are about to be ruined, someone say a prayer

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

Let’s start off with the lovely Natasha. She adores anything soft and fluffy and even has a collection of stuffed toy bunnies in her room (which she thinks nobody but JARVIS has found out about), and she also cries every time she watches a rom-com

 

 **Black Widow** @widowsbite

_In reply to @steverogers_

i can’t believe you’ve done me dirty like this, rogers

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @widowsbite_

I told you the consequences, didn’t I?

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

Clint was drunk once and stood on the roof of the car dancing to Hips Don’t Lie while wearing a pink tutu and then screamed about how much he loved Natasha [clintbeingafool.video]

 

 **Hawkeye** @birdman

_In reply to @steverogers_

you promised me you’d never talk about that night

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @birdman_

Then don’t eat my fucking stuff, bird brain

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

Tony is absolutely in love with his robots and starts crying if one of them seems every remotely upset and because I’m feeling bitchy, I’ll let you know he also tried to marry DUM-E multiple times

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @steverogers_

Fuck you, Steve

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

Thor once electrocuted himself because the toaster wasn’t working and started crying

 

 **Asgardian Prince** @thor

_In reply to @steverogers_

You’ve betrayed me, brother

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

Bruce has a whole closet full of Avengers merch and sleeps in an Iron Man onesie

 

 **Bruce Banner** @sciencebro

_In reply to @steverogers_

What did I do to deserve this?

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @sciencebro_

You ate my fucking cookies, Banner

 

 **Don’t Mess With Me** @fury

@steverogers You have a briefing you should be at, Rogers. I’d appreciate it if you would show up.

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @fury_

Fine, but I’ll be exposing you later, bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed this please leave a comment! and let me know any ideas you have for this story :)


	4. Steve Is Angry Pt. 2 (But This Time It’s Because Of Flash)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flash is an asshole and Steve finds out that he beat up Peter, cue Angry Steve™️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still can’t believe people like this, it makes me so happy :)  
> i hope you enjoy this chapter and please let me know what you think by leaving a comment! (and a kudo? maybe?)

**Two Losers and Captain America**

 

 **ned:** steve, there’s something you should know

 

 **queen bee:** that’s sound so ominous why are you like this

 

 **ned:** shut up

 

 **ned:** but seriously steve there’s a problem

 

 **Stevie:** Peter better not be dying

 

 **queen bee:** wouldn’t you know if he was???

 

 **Stevie:** Fuck off that’s not my damn point

 

 **Stevie:** But what’s going on

 

 **ned:** you know flash right?

 

 **queen bee:** dude,,,, of course he knows who flash is

 

 **Stevie:** What did Flash do? If he hurt Peter I’ll fucking kill the bitch

 

 **queen bee:** see ned the problem is already solved

 

 **Stevie:** Did he seriously hurt Peter? Tell me what the fuck is going on before I throw myself out of the elevator again

 

 **ned:** i still can’t believe you did that

 

 **ned:** but anyway, flash has been bullying peter ever since middle school and today it got really bad

 

 **queen bee:** like the principal is involved bad

 

 **Stevie:** What. The. Actual. Fuck.

 

 **Stevie:** What the hell did he do to Peter?

 

 **queen bee:** he beat him up in the locker room,,, and then sprayed axe all over him

 

 **Stevie:** I’m seriously going to kill him

 

 **Stevie:** Are you with Peter right now?

 

 **ned:** yeah we snuck out of class to see him

 

 **Stevie:** Tell him I’ll be there in ten and that I love him

 

 **queen bee:** gross but okay

 

-

 

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

 **Stevie:** Pepper, I need permission to kill someone

 

 **Pepper:** Who is it this time?

 

 **Stevie:** That stupid Flash kid because he fucking beat up Peter and sprayed some of that disgusting Axe shit all over him

 

 **Gotta Go Fast:** i want to help you

 

 **wanda:** me too

 

 **princess shuri:** how dare he!!! nobody can hurt my spider child like that and get away with it

 

 **Tony:** Sorry I left my meeting Pepper but I think you understand why

 

 **Pepper:** For once I condone you leaving, Tony. And I might give you permission, Steve. Just maybe.

 

 **Tony:** When did this shit happen?

 

 **Stevie:** I’m not sure but Ned and MJ told me about it a few minutes ago

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Please tell me you’re already with him

 

 **Stevie:** I just walked in the school

 

 **Stevie:** I’ll let you guys know what happened soon

 

-

 

Peter can’t believe that this happened. He knew Flash never believed him and called him all kinds of shit, but he didn’t think the asshole would actually beat him up. It all started when gym class ended, and as per usual, Flash corned him and made his back press against the lockers with his only way out being blocked by the dick standing in front of him. “What the hell do you want dude? Just let me get ready for class, man.” He sighed, trying to push Flash off of him. He knew that he could very easily shove him out of the way, but he didn’t want to hurt him (at least not right now).

 

“So you’re really Spiderman, huh? How much dick did you have to suck to pull that off, Penis? I bet you think you’re so cool now that everyone thinks you’re a hero,” Peter rolled his eyes and stared blankly at Flash, raising his eyebrows in annoyance. “I can’t believe you freaked out after you took your mask off, that was so pathetic, Parker. I mean what superhero starts crying after they tell the world who they are?” Peter couldn’t pretend to not be bothered anymore and shoved Flash away from him, making the boy crash into the lockers. “Why don’t you leave me the fuck alone, asshole.”

 

Unfortunately, Flash didn’t listen to him and stood up, grabbing the collar of his shirt. “I’d rather not, I like to see how pathetic you really are.” Without warning, he punched Peter in the jaw, making him fall to the ground. God, he didn’t think Flash could punch that well. “That hurt, Penis? How are you Spiderman if you can’t even take a punch?” Before Peter could punch back, Flash started to kick him anywhere he was able to, causing Peter to stay on the floor. He punched him a few times too, not that Peter didn’t get his message the first time. Flash finally stopped and Peter weezed, trying to get air back into his lungs. Before he can catch his breath, however, Flash sprayed a can of Axe all over him- making it almost impossible for him to breathe.

 

His eyes burned, tears pouring out of them while his senses went haywire. The smell was so overwhelming and it made his lungs hurt with every strained breath he took. “Why don’t you get the hell up Parker and show me that Spiderman isn’t just a little boy?” His bully taunted and Peter can’t respond, too focused on trying not to feel like he’s dying. The door suddenly opened and he heard yelling before someone- Ned- was in front of him, asking if he’s okay before he promptly passed out.

 

Peter now sits in the nurse’s office, an ice pack pressing against his jaw. Ned and MJ are sitting next to him, texting Steve about what happened. He feels guilty for not telling his soulmate about how he’s been harassed since seventh grade, but it had only been verbal, and never physical until now. He knew Steve would be upset and probably cry, which broke his heart because seeing him cry was honestly the worst thing in the world. The door to the nurse’s office opens and Peter barely sees who it is before he’s pulled up and Steve’s arms are wrapped around him.

 

He feels his soulmate’s tears on his shirt and it hurts to know that he is the reason Steve is crying. “S-Steve, I’m so sorry, I-I just couldn’t tell you,” Peter stutters out, but is shushed by Steve, who kisses his cheek. “I know, honey, I know. I just wish it wouldn’t have gotten to this point, you know? You shouldn’t be treated like this, you don’t deserve it, Peter.”

 

-

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

well today was just,,,,, great but at least stevie isn’t crying anymore so that’s a plus

 

 **spidey fan** @spiderboi

_In reply to @peterparkour_

what happened?? and stevie as in steve rogers as in captain america?

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @spiderboi_

some asshole beat me up and then stevie got upset :/

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @peterparkour and @spiderboi_

Peter literally doesn’t know another Steve who else would it be

 

 **Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

_In reply to @peterparkour @spiderboi and @steverogers_

Steve get off of twitter and go punch something instead of being snarky

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @peterparkour @spiderboi and @buckybarnes_

Leave me alone bitch

 

-

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

Steve is mad so therefore I’m mad so it’s time to expose @flashthompson

 

 **CEO of SI** @pepperpots

_In reply to @tonystark_

Please don’t Tony

 

 **Black Widow** @widowsbite

_In reply to @tonystark and @pepperpotts_

you shouldn’t even bother to try and stop him at this point

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

As you all know, the wonderful @peterparkour is a student at Midtown but guess who also goes there? The less than stellar “Flash” Thompson.

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

It’s been brought to my attention Flash has been bullying since Peter since seventh grade. Some of you may be asking why I didn’t know- that’s because Peter didn’t want any of us (particularly Steve) to worry about him (that will never happen).

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

It used to be only taunts and insults, but today, Flash decided it would be a great idea to beat Peter up and spray the monstrosity that is Axe on him (honestly I think it says a lot about a person if they even own Axe).

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

So @flashthompson, have fun trying to get into any of the schools you want to because trust me, they won’t be letting you in.

 

 **Fastest Guy Alive** @flashthompson

_In reply to @tonystark_

you can’t do that to me!!

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @flashthompson_

Do you even know who I am? Of course I can ruin your life, what are you talking about?

 

 **Fastest Guy Alive** @flashthompson

_In reply to @tonystark_

i’m gonna sue you bitch

 

 **Hawkeye** @birdman

_In reply to @tonystark and @flashthompson_

you’re totally going to lose that battle kid

 

 **Scarlet Witch** @wandamaximoff

_In reply to @tonystark and @flashthompson_

trying to sue tony stark is a bad life decision, just letting you know

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @flashthompson and @wandamaximoff_

Wanda’s right, you really shouldn’t do that. And you’re also going to deal with an angry Captain America, which is never a good thing.

 

 **Fastest Guy Alive** @flashthompson

_In reply to @tonystark and @wandamaximoff_

i doubt captain america would be mad at me, i would be surprised if he even likes penis parker

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @tonystark @wandamaximoff and @flashthompson_

@flashthompson Meet me in front of your school, 8 P.M. sharp, don’t be late.

 

 **Fastest Guy Alive** @flashthompson

_In reply to @steverogers_

seriously??? omg i can’t wait to meet you

 

 **sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_In reply to @steverogers and @flashthompson_

you do realize he’s going to the beat the shit out of you, right?

 

 **guy in the chair** @nedleeds

_In reply to @steverogers @flashthompson and @michellejones_

yeah dude he’s gonna deck you

 

-

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

stevie just kicked flash’s ass omg i love him so much

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @peterparkour_

It’s what he deserves. And I love you more <3

 

 **May Parker** @mayparker

_In reply to @peterparkour and @steverogers_

Can you two stop making me cry already?


	5. The World Wants To Know: Who Is Steve Rogers Dating?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is Steve dating? A teenager (aka Peter) and Twitter is not happy but Pepper holds a press conference and calls the media out for their bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so happy that this is at over 600 hits! i can’t believe that lol. i hope you like this chapter! :)

**TMZ** @tmz

RUMOR ALERT: Sources close to the Avengers say that Steve Rogers is dating a teenager?! Read the article and tell us how you feel about Captain America’s new fling!

 

 **E! News** @enewsonline

Is Captain America really cozying up to a minor? Friends say “it’s disturbing to watch” and “Rogers should get some help.” Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

 

 **CNN News** @cnn

BREAKING NEWS: Captain America reportedly is in a relationship with a teenager who hasn’t even learned how to drive.

 

-

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

i really hope that these rumors about cap aren’t true like,,,,, dating a teenager when you’re like 30 idk it’s really just not it

 

 **lila** @beautyschooldropout

Imagine being captain america and deciding to date a fucking teenager- he’s canceled idc

 

 **im just a poor boy** @ineednosympathy

me reading the news: *michael scott yelling no.gif*

 

 **griffyn** @imboredoutofmymind

@steverogers please tell me that this rumor isn’t true sis

 

-

 

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

 **Petey:** guys stevie locked himself in our room and won’t come out please help :(

 

 **Tony:** Jarvis unlock his door we need to give him a cuddle fest

 

 **JARVIS:** Steve has requested that I do not unlock it, unless it is a true emergency, sir.

 

 **Tony:** It is a true emergency, J! I just know that Peter is close to tears already

 

 **JARVIS:** I told Steve that I was going to unlock his door and it further upset him, so I am refraining from actually doing so, sir.

 

 **wanda:** tell him to open the door or natasha, pepper, maria, and i will all barge in there and not leave him alone

 

 **Badass Bitch:** tell him that we love him too

 

 **JARVIS:** His door is now unlocked.

 

-

 

**Iron Fam**

 

 **petey:** should i say something on twitter?? the amount of people hating on stevie is breaking my heart

 

 **Pepper:** I would say to wait longer, but I feel like that would only make the situation worse if no one speaks up.

 

 **Tony:** Could we make a statement on the avengers twitter?

 

 **Pepper:** Possibly. Peter, what would you be comfortable saying about your relationship? And maybe a press conference would be a better option than saying something on Twitter?

 

 **petey:** i’d obviously say that we’re soulmates and stuff,,,, but idk how much people want to know??

 

 **Tony:** Pep, if there was a press conference would Steve and Peter both have to be there? And when should it be held?

 

 **Pepper:** I was thinking maybe I could make the statement? Especially since they both have sensory overload issues and it would loud no matter how many reporters are allowed to go. And possibly after that Peter or Steve could then say something on Twitter. I was thinking to hold it tomorrow.

 

 **Tony:** That sounds like a good plan- you okay with that, kiddo?

 

 **petey:** yeah i’d like that thanks pep :)

 

-

 

 **CNN News** @cnn

Pepper Potts, CEO of SI and Publicist for the Avengers, held a press conference addressing the allegations that Steve Rogers is dating a minor- click the link to view the transcript.

 

[Transcript Date: February 16, 2017, Speaker: Pepper Potts]

“Yesterday, as many of you know, rumors came out reporting that Steve Rogers was dating a minor. Unfortunately, many people were quick to jump to conclusions and assume that Steve is a pedophile, but I can assure that while he is many things, that is definitely not one of them. Personally, it is hard for me to watch all of the brutal things people say when they do not know the full truth, especially when it concerns one of my closest friends. Steve is dating his soulmate, who just so happens to be a minor. I am sure that if that was included in any of the news articles posted yesterday, this whole story would not have caused an outrage like it did. There are stories written all the time about soulmates having age gaps, but does anybody freak out? No, because they understand that soulmates are meant to be, regardless of age. So people should be able to comprehend that Steve is only with a minor because they are his soulmate- because they belong to each other. Nobody should be shaming him for something that he cannot control. Originally, I was not planning on saying who Steve’s soulmate is, but they wanted me to because they could not be here themselves. His soulmate is Peter Parker, who most of you know as Spiderman. As most of you also know, Peter is 15 years old. However, many media outlets were quick to claim that Steve is 30. This would not be an issue, again considering Steve and Peter are soulmates, except for the fact that apparently no reporter knows Steve’s actual age- which is 25 years old. The one thing that has bothered me the most about this incident is the lack of truth and facts that have been spread. I understand that there will always be outlets that never report the truth, but the majority of news outlets should be able to get the facts right before publishing something. It’s a shame to see even the most reputable journalists and reporters have clearly not bothered to fact check anything one of their ‘sources’ have told them. It’s honestly embarrassing that I have to tell the truth because not one media outlet could get it right. With that being said, I want to thank all of you who are here, and I hope that you do not get any of my words twisted, because, well, that would be a damn shame. One last thing before I leave. I want to remind everyone that Steve Rogers and Peter Parker are real people who do not deserve to be harassed because of this, so please respect their privacy and boundaries, thank you.”

 

-

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

if i see anyone else being mean to stevie i’m going to fight them behind the nearest walmart

 

 **sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_In reply to @peterparkour_

why walmart?? that place is nasty

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @michellejones_

that’s exactly why,,,,, so they can realize that they’re just a nasty as walmart

 

 **CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

_In reply to @peterparkour_

Please don’t fight anyone Peter, I don’t want to deal with being sued again tonight.

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @peterparkour_

who tried to sue you???

 

 **CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

_In reply to @peterparkour_

That Flash kid, again.

 

 **guy in the chair** @nedleeds

_In reply to @peterparkour and @pepperpotts_

why can’t he give it up? doesn’t he know going against tony stark’s lawyers is a lost cause?

 

 **Fastest Guy Alive** @flashthompson

_In reply to @peterparkour @pepperpotts and @nedleeds_

I guarantee you my lawyers are even better, dumbass. And I can’t believe you’re dating a fucking 30 year old Parker, how often did you have to suck his dick to call him your boyfriend?

 

 **What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_In reply to @peterparkour @pepperpotts @nedleeds and @flashthompson_

how dare you say that, white boy. you will rue the day you tweeted this, you child.

 

 **Black Panther** @tchalla

_In reply to @peterparkour @pepperpotts @nedleeds @flashthompson and @princesshuri_

I must agree with my sister for once. You should really think about what you tweet before you post it.

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

@peterparkour I love you <3

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @steverogers_

i love you !!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! please let me know what you think of this chapter! and if you have any ideas for this story let me know :)


	6. The Adventures Of Peter And Shuri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone’s favorite teenagers (is Shuri a teenager??) go on Twitter and it’s a great time.

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

**princess shuri:** my fellow broken white men and strong women,,,,, brother and i are on route to your primitive home

 

**Tony:** Don’t make me kick you out of my tower, because I will.

 

**princess shuri:** you won’t dare disrespect me like that broken white man

 

**Tony:** Quit calling me that or I will fight you

 

**princess shuri:** good luck winning,,,, you fool

 

**I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** wait shuri is steve a broken white man?

 

**princess shuri:** of course he is,,,, what a foolish question

 

**petey:** how dare you call my soulmate a broken white man shuri,,,, i trusted you

 

**princess shuri:** but it is the truth! open your eyes spider child!

 

**Stevie:** Leave me alone Shuri

 

**princess shuri:** i never meant to insult you- only to make you accept the truth kind sir

 

**Stevie:** Call me sir again and I’ll deck you when you land

 

**princess shuri:** okay i take it back

 

**wanda:** steve why don’t you like being called sir

 

**Stevie:** It makes me feel older than I really am idk

 

**Gotta Go Fast:** why haven’t you told us this before

 

**Stevie:** It doesn’t really matter?

 

**petey:** shut up of course it matters

 

**wanda:** we don’t want to make you feel insecure

 

**Stevie:** You guys are so nice to me wtf

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** Because we love you, punk

 

**princess shuri:** okay time to give me more attention fools!

 

**petey:** you’re so demanding

 

**Tony:** You just realized that?

 

-

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

reunited at last [insert a video of peter in the spiderman suit with shuri running through the halls of the stark tower]

 

**What Are Those** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @spideysense _

and it feels so good

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @spideysense and @princesshuri _

You two better not ruin my tower by being hooligans

 

**CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

_ In reply to @spideysense @princesshuri and @tonystark _

It’s actually my tower, Tony.

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @spideysense @princesshuri and @pepperpotts _

Well it’s only 13% yours, but that’s technically speaking.

 

**Falcon** @samwilson

_ In reply to @spideysense @princesshuri @pepperpotts and @tonystark _

How do you have friends Tony?

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @spideysense @princesshuri @pepperpotts and @samwilson _

If it wasn’t for Stevie I would’ve gotten rid of you years ago

 

**Falcon** @samwilson

_ In reply to @spideysense @princesshuri @pepperpotts and @tonystark _

Can you not take someone bruising your ego, Stark?

 

**CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

_ In reply to @spideysense @princesshuri @tonystark and @samwilson _

He can, just not very well.

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @spideysense @princesshuri @samwilson and @pepperpotts _

Why does everyone I love keep attacking me?

 

-

 

**loser** @peterparkour

it’s q & a time baby! ask shuri and me some questions!

 

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

what’s it like dating steve??

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay _

it’s literally the best thing ever,,,,, like he’s so nice and loving and just the sweetest person alive i love him so much

 

**Scarlet Witch** @wandamaximoff

_ In reply to @peterparkour and @everyonesucksokay _

the amount of times you’ve gushed over steve is astonishing

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay and @wandamaximoff _

he’s my soulmate wanda,,,, what else would i do???

 

**im just a poor boy** @ineednosymphaty

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

how did you and shuri become friends?

 

**What Are Those** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @peterparkour and @ineednosympathy _

my brother and i were visiting tony- the resident broken white man at the tower- and we found peter in his lab crawling on the ceiling

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @ineednosympathy and @princesshuri _

people know who tony are shuri,,,,

 

**What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @ineednosympathy and @peterparkour _

but do they know he’s broken?

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @ineednosympathy and @princesshuri _

i’m sure they do tbh like,,,,, he used to be a mess :( but thankfully he’s better now

 

**katie** @itiswednesdaymydudes

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

why did you become spiderman?

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @itiswednesdaymydudes _

i’ve always wanted to help people you know? especially those who can’t defend themselves

 

**lila** @beautyschooldropout

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

is steve ever going to come back on twitter? it’s been a couple weeks and i want to tell him i feel bad about what i said when the rumors started about you two dating :(

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @beautyschooldropout _

um idk that whole thing honestly made his self esteem really low and he’s definitely not ready to see what people have to say to him on here

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @beautyschooldropout _

Don’t worry about what you said to me, I understand that a lot of people were upset and angry - Steve

 

**What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @beautyschooldropout and @peterparkour _

stop being so nice to everyone, steven

 

-

 

**I Love Steve Rogers More Than Myself** @spiderman

@princesshuri look i know that’s true but change my name back

 

**What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @spiderman _

i’d rather not spider child

 

**I Love Steve Rogers More Than Myself** @spiderman

_ In reply to @princesshuri _

fine,,,, then i’ll change yours

 

**I’m Gay For Michelle** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @spiderman _

peter!!! how dare you!!!

 

**sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_ In reply to @spiderman and @princesshuri _

i always knew you liked me

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @spiderman @princesshuri and @michellejones _

of course you did, you know like everything

 

**sketching people in crisis**

_ In reply to @spiderman @princesshuri and @peterparkour _

why did you change accounts??

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @spiderman @princesshuri and @michellejones _

because i felt like it

 

**Robot Marrying Disaster** @tonystark

@princesshuri change it back you punk or i will kick you out

 

**I’m Gay For Michelle** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @tonystark _

no

 

**Giant Green Rage Monster** @sciencebro

_ In reply to @tonystark and @princesshuri _

Could you at least fix mine, please?

 

**I’m Gay For Michelle** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @tonystark and @sciencebro _

fine but only because you’re nice to me

 

**Robot Marrying Disaster** @tonystark

_ In reply to @sciencebro and @princesshuri _

Screw you

 

**Will Freeze Up** @tchalla

_ In reply to @sciencebro @princesshuri and @tonystark _

Don’t talk to my sister like that

 

**Will Freeze Up** @tchalla

_ In reply to @sciencebro @princesshuri and @tonystark _

However, now that I think about it, nevermind

 

**Dumbass Gay Punk** @steverogers

@princesshuri Why

 

**Cyborg Man** @buckybarnes

_ In reply to @steverogers _

She’s not wrong about yours but @princesshuri I’m not a fucking cyborg

 

**I’m Gay For Michelle** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @steverogers and @buckybarnes _

if i say you are then you clearly are one, peasant

 

**Dumbass Gay Punk** @steverogers

_ In reply to @buckybarnes and @princesshuri _

Call him peasant again and I will kick your ass

 

-

 

**CNN News** @cnn

Steve Rogers allegedly threatened to beat up the Princess of Wakanda- on Twitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! thanks for reading this, i hope you liked it!


	7. Operation Find Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pirate Grandad: Steve is missing, we can’t find him in the forest.
> 
> I’m A Bird Motherfucker: what forest is he in? and why the hell did you send him to one?
> 
> petey: if you don’t find my soulmate i will lose it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe that this garbage got over a thousand hits- like how. thank you so much though, it makes me feel like my writing isn't as shitty as i think it is.  
> anyway, enjoy this chapter :)

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** Have any of you had contact with Steve?

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** No? Is he okay?

 

 **Badass Bitch:** if he’s missing i swear to thor that i will end you, fury

 

 **Tony:** I think we’re all with Nat if you say that Steve is missing

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** Well, I guess I’ll be ended soon.

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** Steve is missing, we can’t find him in the forest.

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** what forest is he in? and why the hell did you send him to one?

 

 **petey:** if you don’t find my soulmate i will lose it

 

 **Maria:** We will find him, Peter.

 

 **Agent:** We last had contact with him six hours ago.

 

 **wanda:** it’s been six hours and you couldn’t tell us earlier??

 

 **Gotta Go Fast:** don’t make me run across the ocean to find him since you can’t

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** We sent him to the Taiga forest to find a hidden HYDRA base and gain intel. The only reason we waited so long to tell you is because we have tried to find him, but we need your help.

 

 **Tony:** I think you mean my help specifically.

 

 **Agent:** Unfortunately, yes, we do need your help.

 

 **Maria:** We need you to tell us what Steve’s last coordinates were on his tracker.

 

 **Tony:** How come you don’t have a tracker on him? I would think that should be of importance to you, but nevertheless I sent the coordinates to your office.

 

 **petey:** do you know what he was doing before you lost contact? what if he was attacked or something??

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** He was nearing the base and we believe he was going to attempt to sneak into it.

 

 **petey:** if fucking hydra hurt him i swear to thor

 

-

 

 **CNN News** @cnn

According to the sources close to the Avengers and SHIELD, Captain America has gone missing- without any sign of returning.

 

 **cap owns my ass** @starspangledsteve

if steve dies or some shit i will not be okay

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @starspangledsteve_

same if he dies then i die

 

 **Quicksilver** @pietromaximoff

_In reply to @starspangledsteve and @peterparkour_

that’s what happens when your soulmate dies

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

If @shield doesn’t find Stevie within the next thirty minutes I’m flying my ass over to him

 

 **What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_In reply to @tonystark_

how can you do that if you don’t know where he is

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @princesshuri_

That’s why I’ll take Peter with me, duh

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @princesshuri and @tonystark_

may doesn’t want me going over there :(

 

 **May Parker** @mayparker

_In reply to @princesshuri @tonystark and @peterparkour_

I don’t want you to get hurt!

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @princesshuri @tonystark and @mayparker_

but it’s stevie!! i can’t just be without him this long

 

 **sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_In reply to @princesshuri @tonystark @mayparker and @peterparkour_

i think he should go, so does ned

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

you can find tony stark and i looking for steve in a forest in the middle of nowhere

 

-

 

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

 **petey:** we found stevie!!! i’m so happy i could cry

 

 **Tony:** Same kid.

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** How injured is he?

 

 **Tony:** He has a deep gash on his forehead, a conclusion, a broken nose, a broken leg, several bruised ribs, and a broken wrist too. And now he just passed out.

 

 **Badass Bitch:** that’s pretty bad but i was expecting worse ngl

 

 **Bruce:** Where are you?

 

 **Tony:** We’re on the SHIELD helicarrier, we should be back in like two hours.

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Go faster, dammit

 

-

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

Update: We found Steve and now he’s at home sleeping with Peter, it’s very cute. [insert picture of steve and peter asleep on the couch with like ten blankets covering them]

 

 **sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_In reply to @tonystark_

they’re gonna be mad at you for posting that

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @michellejones_

I’m fully aware of that

 

-

 

 **spider fan** @spiderboi

we’re getting the content we deserve  thank you @tonystark

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @spiderboi_

No problem, kid

 

 **spider fan** @spiderboi

_In reply to @tonystark_

AKSADSDJAKLSK I CANT BELIEVE YOU RESPONDED

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

hey @tonystark can you show us more pictures

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay_

I would but I don’t want to get crucified so…


	8. Steve + Twitter! And Flash Is Still Being Annoying (Shocker)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter tells Twitter about the time Steve got high and then Flash shows up being ignorant as usual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how does this have over 1500 hits i can’t understand   
> but thank you to everyone who has left a kudo, it makes me so happy to know you liked it :)  
> now on with the show!

**Spiderman** @spideysense

does anyone want to hear the story when steve got high and scared the hell out of everyone

 

**cap owns my ass** @starspangledsteve

_ In reply to @spideysense _

i thought steve couldn’t get high???

 

**Bruce Banner** @scienebro

_ In reply to @spideysense and @starspangledsteve _

He can if he’s given enough drugs that would kill a normal person in seconds.

 

**old town road** @yeehawmydudes

_ In reply to @spideysense _

wait why would steve get high in the first place

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_ In reply to @yeehawmydudes _

he was hella injured after dealing w/ some bad guys and he can’t just you know,,,, take regular painkillers so,,,, we had to give him the strong stuff

 

**spiderman fan** @spidermannnn

_ In reply to @spideysense _

tell us the story sis

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

okay so,,,, we’ve already established that steve got high af off of painkillers and let me just say,,, he was being wild as hell

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

so while he was being wild,,,, steve snuck out of his room (we didn’t go to the hospital bc ew those suck but he was in good hands @tonystark @sciencebro) and went to where all the weapons are you know

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

and then bc he’s a punk,,,, he comes out of there with two,,,,, not one,,, but two !!! flamethrowers (one in each hand) and is just waving them around and honestly laughing like a maniac 

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

so all of us go out there after jarvis told us steve (ofc) escaped his room and we see that,,,, it was just so terrifying and honestly kinda amusing

 

**spiderman fan** @spidermannnn

_ In reply to @spideysense _

can we please have a video of this omg

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_ In reply to @spidermannnn _

[insert video of steve with said flamethrowers running around outside of the avenger’s compound while everyone is yelling at him and he’s just laughing]

 

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

_ In reply to @spideysense and @spidermannnn _

this is the content we deserve,,, thank you peter

 

-

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

I’m back

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

_ In reply to @steverogers _

Took you long enough, punk

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @buckybarnes _

Fuck off, jerk

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @steverogers and @buckybarnes _

Language!

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @tonystark _

I swear to Thor, Stark

 

**Trickster** @loki

_ In reply to @steverogers and @tonystark _

I find it amusing how you mortals swear to my brother.

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @steverogers @tonystark and @loki _

it’s for comedic purposes 

 

**cap owns my ass** @starspangledsteve

_ In reply to @steverogers _

i’m so happy you’re back uwu ily 

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @starspangledsteve _

I’m happy to be back ily too :)

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @starspangledsteve and @steverogers _

stevie!!! i thought you loved me !!

 

**Quicksilver** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @starspangledsteve @steverogers and @peterparkour _

you’re so dramatic peter

 

**Fastest Guy Alive** @flashthompson

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

I still can’t believe you’ve convinced people that Captain America actually loves you, how sad.

 

**sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_ In reply to @peterparkour and @flashthompson _

oh my god dude,,, get a life for once

 

**guy in the chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @peterparkour @flashthompson and @michellejones _

what mj said. you’re so annoying

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

@flashthopson Leave Peter alone, thanks.

 

**Fastest Guy Alive** @flashthompson

_ In reply to @steverogers _

We all know you don’t like him, you can just say it already.

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @steverogers and @flashthompson _

Are you blind kid??? Steve literally loves Peter more than helping old ladies down the street

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @flashthompson and @tonystark _

Why is that your standard for how much I love something

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @flashthompson and @steverogers _

What else would it be?

 

**What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @steverogers and @flashthompson _

how stupid are you??? i’m not surprised however, just disappointed 

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

_ In reply to @steverogers @flashthompson and @princesshuri _

he can be another broken white boy for you to fix

 

**What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @steverogers @flashthompson and @widowsbite _

i will not fix him !! he hurt peter so therefore he hurt me and i will not show him mercy

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @flashthompson @widowsbite and @princesshuri _

isn’t that a bit dramatic?

 

-

 

**Fastest Guy Alive** @flashthompson

I’m gonna expose Peter for being a liar tomorrow

 

**sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_ In reply to @flashthompson _

well get prepared to be harassed by a god, a trickster, three former assassins, two geniuses, insane twins, some dude with wings, and a super-soldier who will deck you (and maybe even may)


	9. Idk If This Is Good But I’m Posting It Anyways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this chapter sucks, but i hope you guys like it!  
> i also saw endgame and i’m sad :(

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

 **petey:** send help

 

 **Point Break:** What about get help?

 

 **Snake Bitch:** Be quiet, Thor.

 

 **petey:** but seriously

 

 **petey:** things are not looking good

 

 **Stevie:** If Flash is hurting you Petey you better tell me

 

 **petey:** he’s not! but he will embarrass me when we go tour the compound !!

 

 **Maria:** You’re the only person who would have to tour their own home twice

 

 **petey:** thanks for reminding me,,,,

 

 **Tony:** We could mess with him if you want

 

 **Pepper:** No, Tony.

 

 **Tony:** But even you said he deserves it Pep!

 

 **Pepper:** That doesn’t mean I actually want you to do it.

 

 **Rhodes:** Maybe if you would all just ignore him we’d be better off

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** I respect you, but that’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Ignoring him would only make the problem worse

 

 **Rhodes:** And how do you know that?

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Because I live with Steve

 

 **Stevie:** Shut the fuck up jerk

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Am I wrong?

 

 **Stevie:** …

 

 **petey:** quit exposing my soulmate thanks

 

 **petey:** for real tho what do i do

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** Deal with it.

 

 **Tony:** Why does everything you say sound like a threat?

 

 **Badass Bitch:** because it probably is

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** i volunteer to tie flash up and put him in the vents

 

 **Tony:** I don’t want that asshole in my vents, thank you very much

 

 **JARVIS:** I would suggest having Steve talk to him.

 

 **petey:** omg hi jarvis!!

 

 **Tony:** I still can’t believe my A.I. is in my fucking group chat

 

 **Stevie:** The robots are taking over

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** I hate you sometimes

 

 **Stevie:** I know uwu

 

 **wanda:** steve, please never use that again

 

 **Stevie:** uwu

 

 **Tony:** Stevie stop it

 

 **Stevie:** uwu

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Steve you punk I swear to Thor

 

 **Snake Bitch:** Stop swearing to my brother.

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** never

 

 **petey:** could i just stay home?

 

 **Stevie:** Yes

 

 **May:** No.

 

 **petey:** may???? how did you get added??

 

 **May:** Pepper added me :)

 

 **petey:** can i pleaseeeee stay home may

 

 **May:** Peter

 

 **petey:** please!! i just want to be with stevie :(

 

 **May:** Fine.

 

 **petey:** yay!! i love you sm you’re the best

 

 **May:** I know I am. And I love you too.

 

-

 

After consulting everyone in the groupchat at like 5 in the morning, Peter goes back to bed and falls asleep quickly, despite the fact Steve isn’t with him (the bastard was on his morning run, shocker). When he wakes up, he’s surprised to find Steve on top of him, head buried in the crook of his neck. “Stevie,” He whispers, shaking the super-soldier to wake him up. Steve groans but doesn’t move, clearly not wanting to get up. “Let’s just stay in bed, Petey.” Peter laughs and kisses Steve’s cheek. “I would but I actually wanted to work on my suit today, so…”

 

Eventually the pair get up and Steve forces Peter to take a shower with him, much to Peter’s dismay ( _“You’ve seen me naked before, Peter!”_ ). It takes them a ridiculous amount of time to leave the shower- Peter’s not saying why, thank you very much. When they’re done, they go out to the kitchen where Bucky and Sam are. “Hey losers. Your class just showed up by the way, spidey.” Bucky says and Peter wants to crawl into a hole and die.

 

“You’ll be fine, Pete. What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Well the worst thing that could happen did happen. Peter is in Tony’s lab, working on the Spiderman suit while sitting in Steve’s lap. Steve watches him intently, and it warms Peter’s heart to see Steve so interested in whatever he does. Without any warning from JARVIS, his class walks in the room, all of them looking at him in shock.

 

“Um, hi?” He feels his cheeks heat up and the hand Steve runs up and down his arm doesn’t comfort him. “What the hell are you doing here Penis Parker?” Flash says loudly and Peter wants to slam his head on the table. “What did you just call him?” Peter can feel how angry Steve is and he tries to stop Steve from walking over to Flash, but fails miserably. “What the hell is wrong with you, kid?” Steve stands face to face with Flash (well not exactly because Flash is short but you get my point), and the kid looks terrified.

 

“How many times will it take until you understand that Peter is a better person than you, and always will be. I hate tearing people down, but you need to hear this. You’re a fucking jerk and I’m disgusted by how you treat others all because you can’t live with yourself. You can’t live the fact that Peter is smarter than you and has a better family than you. I wish you could pull your head out of your ass and see how you treat people like shit and you can’t even bother to be a decent fucking person.”

 

Peter stands there in shock- he never thought Steve would call Flash out like that. Flash is pale and sweating, and Peter can’t help but feel bad for him. Being told off by an angry Captain America is pretty scary. He grabs Steve’s arm and pulls him away from Flash, pulling him into the hallway. “Stevie, you really didn’t need to do that, it’s honestly-” “Listen to me, he needed to be told that and it was going to happen one way or another. If I can stop someone from treating you that way, you know I’ll do it in a heartbeat, Peter.” Steve kisses him softly and Peter smiles at him. “I love you 3000, Stevie.” “I love you 3000, Petey.”

 

A moment later they hear a yell and turn to see Flash floating in the air looking terrified. There’s a green haze surrounding him, and it’s obvious that Loki is the one doing it despite the fact he’s nowhere to be seen. “Loki, put him down!” Steve yells and Flash falls to the ground with a yelp. Loki appears and smirks at Peter before disappearing. Peter rolls his eyes and walks back to his room, not wanting to deal with more of his family’s bullshit.

 

-

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

i just watched footage of my family harassing flash,,, and they really went all out

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

i’m 99% sure flash is traumatized for life now

 

 **sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_In reply to @peterparkour_

it’s what he deserves

 

 **guy in the chair** @nedleeds

_In reply to @peterparkour_

i sure hope he is

 

 **May Parker** @mayparker

_In reply to @peterparkour_

I wish I was there

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @mayparker_

of course you do

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

PSA: Don’t mess with my soulmate or I will end you :)


	10. Spilling The Tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one question: how does this have over 2000 hits??  
> but for real thank you to anyone who has given this kudos or comments- it makes me so happy :)  
> sorry this chapter is short, i’m having writer’s block when it comes to this story rip

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

okay quick question: who are the avengers dating?

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

at this point we know peter and steve are soulmates and that’s really it

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

like,,,, what’s the tea??

 

 **rachel** @canipleasegetawaffle

i’m convinced that at least half of the avengers are gay/bisexual/not remotely straight and no one can stop me

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @canipleasegetawaffle_

I mean you’re not wrong

 

 **rachel** @canipleasegetwaffle

_In reply to @steverogers_

waiT seriously???

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @steverogers and @canipleasegetawaffle_

Duh

 

 **griffyn** @imboredoutofmymind

@tonystark who are you dating i want to know

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @imboredoutofmymind_

An asshole

 

 **Trickster** @loki

_In reply to @imboredoutofmymind and @tonystark_

You should be treating me with respect.

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @imboredoutofmymind and@loki_

Sorry babe I love you

 

 **lila** @beautyschooldropout

i can’t believe tony stark is dating loki. what timeline is this ???

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @beautyschooldropout_

The best one, obviously

 

 **im just a poor boy** @ineednosympathy

wait a minute,,, if tony isn’t dating pepper then who is she with

 

 **CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

_In reply to @ineednosympathy_

The best woman on the planet.

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @ineednosympathy and @pepperpotts_

Seeing you two together still terrifies me

 

 **Maria Hill** @mariahill

_In reply to @ineednosympathy @pepperpotts and @tonystark_

Good.

 

 **katie** @itiswednesdaymydudes

finding out two badass women are dating has cured my depression !

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @itiswednesdaymydudes_

i wish i could cure my depression that quickly

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @itiswednesdaymydudes and @peterparkour_

:(

 

 **katie** @itiswednesdaymydudes

steve rogers: :(

my depression: haha i’m back bitch

 

 **Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

Why do people care about who I’m dating?

 

 **Falcon** @samwilson

_In reply to @buckybarnes_

It’s the internet, I don’t know what else you should expect.

 

 **Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

Someone just tweeted that they ship me with plums? What the actual hell is this website.

 

 **Falcon** @samwilson

_In reply to @buckybarnes_

I mean you do love plums, so…

 

 **Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

_In reply to @samwilson_

Are you trying to make me break up with you?

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @samwilson and @buckybarnes_

Please don’t break up I don’t want to deal with Stevie being sad

 

 **old town road** @yeehawmydudes

@ the avengers: why do you all call steve “stevie”

 

 **Black Widow** @widowsbite

_In reply to @yeehawmydudes_

because we can.

 

 **Hawkeye** @birdman

_In reply to @yeehawmydudes_

peter called him that so the rest of us did because it’s cute

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @yeehawmydudes and @birdman_

And because you wanted to embarrass me

 

 **Hawkeye** @birdman

_In reply to @steverogers_

what else would we want to do?

 

 **em** @somebodycallvogue

@loki who is thor soulmates with

 

 **Trickster** @loki

_In reply to @somebodycallvogue_

A man with 7 PhDs

 

 **Bruce Banner** @scienebro

_In reply to @somebodycallvogue and @loki_

Thanks for being subtle about it.

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

okay y’all i made a list of who each avenger (and their friends) is dating bc i’m weird

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

peter + steve, tony + loki, pepper + maria, bruce + thor (thanks loki), bucky + sam

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

so now here’s who we don’t have answers from: clint, natasha, t’challa, shuri, rhodey, fury!!, phil, wanda, pietro and then peter’s friends mj + ned

 

 **rachel** @canipleasegetawaffle

this episode of keeping up with avengers has been great so far

 

 **old town road** @yeehawmydudes

what if the avengers had a reality tv show? that shit would be legendary

 

-

 

 **TMZ** @tmz

RUMOR ALERT: Bravo just signed a deal with Pepper Potts for a TV show: is Keeping Up With the Avengers becoming a reality?


	11. Keeping Up With The Avengers Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You Know Who It Is @tonystark  
> The day is finally here…
> 
> Spiderman @spideysense  
> y’all better get your popcorn for this shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg sorry for not updating this for almost two weeks, i’ve had writers block and like zero ideas for this story. and sorry this chapter kinda sucks and is short, i promise the next one will be better!

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

The day is finally here…

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

y’all better get your popcorn for this shit

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

_ In reply to @spideysense _

lAngUagE

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @spideysense and @buckybarnes _

It was one time!!

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @spideysense @buckybarnes and @steverogers _

cap, you know we will never let you live that down

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @spideysense @buckybarnes and @birdman _

Sometimes I really hate all of you

 

**CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

You can all thank me for producing this show now.

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_ In reply to @pepperpotts _

thanks pep!

 

-

 

The screen is black before it cuts to Steve, Tony, Peter, and Scott in the kitchen. “You know, I still don’t know why you haven’t made a Twitter account, Scott.” Peter says, shoving Fruit Loops into his mouth while Steve glares at him for talking with his mouth full. “I don’t know, I mean does anyone care about Ant Man?” Tony rolls his eyes and hits Scott’s head. “Everyone loves you, idiot. Clearly you haven’t seen any of your fan pages.” “I  _ have _ those? Oh my god.” Scott looks shocked, his eyes wide open and a huge grin on his face. Steve laughs but then covers it up with a cough, clearly amused. “Dude of course you do! Come here and I’ll show you.” Peter whips out his phone to show Scott, who has never looked happier in his life. “I love these people, they’re so amazing! Why did no one tell me about this sooner?” Both Steve and Tony roll their eyes before Steve looks at the clock and slams his coffee mug on the counter.

 

“Shit-” “Language!” “Shut the fuck up, Stark. Peter we gotta go or you’ll be late to school.” Peter chokes on his last bite of cereal before hopping out of his chair and grabbing his backpack, swinging it over his shoulder. “Bye guys, love you!” Peter calls out as he and Steve get into the elevator, Tony mock saluting him. “Have a good day at school!” Scott says before the doors close and the camera follows Tony as he makes his way to his lab. “So this is where all the magic happens, it’s wonderful.” He says to the camera (or to himself, honestly who knows) and the lights turn on as soon as he steps into the room. Holograms pop up from a table, showing designs for Captain America’s suit, which the camera zoom in on. “Nice, isn’t it? I still can’t believe Shield gave him that awful spandex suit, it did his ass no favors.” “I must agree with you on that, sir.” Jarvis says and Tony laughs, shaking his hand. “Steve is going to die when I tell him you said that.”

 

The next clip is of Bucky, Natasha, Clint, and Steve in the kitchen, all wearing Iron Man aprons (thanks, Tony). “I’m not saying that Stevie is right, but I’m pretty sure he is.” “Shut up, Clint. Stevie, I love you, but oatmeal raisin cookies are not superior.” Steve rolls his eyes as he rolls out cookie dough on the counter and cuts it out, ignoring Bucky and Natasha as they try to eat his batter. The camera slowly zooms in on Clint as the smirk on his face gets larger, and he slowly creeps behind Natasha, two eggs in each hand. Before she can turn around, he slams them on her head, earning him a jab to the ribs. “Fuck you, Barton!” Natasha yells and grabs a bag of flour, pouring it over his head.

 

Steve looks mildly disappointed and steps away from the counter, clearly not wanting to get caught in the line of fire. However, Clint dumps milk on him, and Steve pushes him to the floor, pouring sugar onto the archer in retaliation. Meanwhile Bucky and Natasha are yelling in Russian, launching eggs at each other relentlessly. “What the fuck is going on in here?” Sam walks in the kitchen, the camera focusing on his baffled expression. “Nothing!” Steve yells and runs out of the room, Bucky not far behind him. “Clint started it.” Natasha says, looking disgusted as she goes to the elevator. Clint looks around the destroyed kitchen and gives Sam a helpless look. “Help me clean up?” Sam shakes his head and sighs, leaving the room.

 

-

 

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

i’m only halfway through #kuwta and it’s the best thing i’ve ever seen

 

**rachel** @canipleasegetawaffle

only the world’s most notorious assassins and a super soldier would have a food fight while making cookies #kuwta #ilovethemsomuch

 

**spiderman fan** @spidermannnn

peter showing scott his fan accounts is so pure oh my goD #kuwta

 

**tony! stark!** @iloveironmanokay

“it did his ass no favors” lmao @tonystark why are you obsessed with steve’s ass, you have a boyfriend

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @iloveironmanokay _

Shut up, I’m allowed to love America’s Ass as much as I want to

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @iloveironmanokay and @tonystark _

Stop saying that

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @iloveironmanokay @tonystark and @steverogers _

he isn’t wrong tho

 

**lila** @beautyschooldropout

i love how when sam showed up steve + bucky just booked it bc they knew he would lecture them #kuwta

 

**katie** @itiswednesdaymydudes

natasha’s face when she left the room is now my favorite thing ever #kuwta

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

@birdman i’m still mad at you for starting that

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @widowsbite _

but you had fun, didn’t you?

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

_ In reply to @birdman _

i certainly had more fun taking a shower than helping you clean it all up

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @widowsbite _

i can’t believe you left me like that… i trusted you

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

_ In reply to @widowsbite and @birdman _

You’re the one who cracked eggs on her head, idk what you were expecting to happen

 

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

hey @samwilson did you bash bucky for being in a food fight ? #kuwta

 

**Falcon** @samwilson

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay _

Of course I did, he was being dumb as shit.

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay and @samwilson _

Screw you.

 

**Falcon** @samwilson

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay and @buckybarnes _

I’m sure you’d love to.

 

**Scarlet Witch** @wandamaximoff

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay @buckybarnes and @samwilson _

ew get a room bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you have any ideas for this story plz let me know!! i have no inspiration yikes


	12. Tony Wants To Start A Restaurant (With The Help Of Twitter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wants to make a restaurant after reading fanfiction, because it’s, you know, Tony we’re talking about here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this chapter better than the last one? idk maybe, depends on who you ask. anyway, thank you (for the millionth time lol) for all the love that you all have given to this story, it makes me so happy to read your comments! i hope you enjoy this chapter :)

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

 **Tony:** I want to start a restaurant

 

 **Pepper:** No.

 

 **Tony:** Please! I have money!!

 

 **Pepper:** Just because you have money doesn’t mean you can start a restaurant, Tony.

 

 **Tony:** Yes it does!

 

 **Agent:** Your PR team already doesn’t get paid enough for this, Tony.

 

 **Tony:** Shut up, Agent. They get great benefits!

 

 **Maria:** But your PR department has the highest turnover rate

 

 **Tony:** Don’t remind me, Hill.

 

 **Tony:** Are none of you going to support me? I actually want to do something good for once!

 

 **Stevie:** I support you :)

 

 **Tony:** If Stevie supports me that means I can make a restaurant!

 

 **Badass Bitch:** no it doesn’t, but go off i guess

 

 **princess shuri:** i would love to see the broken white man try! (and then fail because of his primitive technology)

 

 **Tony:** I will seriously kick you out again, Shuri. With no regrets. At all. None!

 

 **petey:** you seem to be convincing yourself that you will even though you never actually will do it, mr. stark

 

 **Tony:** Oh no. Steve, make him stop calling me that. I hate it. So. Much.

 

 **Stevie:** I can’t control him, Tony

 

 **Tony:** Yes you can!!

 

 **petey:** no he can’t, he loves me too much, mr. stark

 

 **Tony:** Quit being gross

 

 **petey:** never [insert a video of steve and peter kissing]

 

 **Tony:** EW

 

 **Tony:** I DON’T WANT TO SEE THAT

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Sure, Jan

 

 **Tony:** WHY WOULD I WANT TO SEE THAT BUCKY??

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Because it’s you

 

 **Tony:** What???

 

 **Stevie:** Just ignore it, Tony. Are you really serious about running a restaurant though?

 

 **Tony:** For once in my life I am actually serious about something, Steven

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** why does that sound passive aggressive

 

 **Badass Bitch:** tony is still mad that steve exposed him on twitter

 

 **Tony:** Why would I not be mad about it? No one needed to know that I drunkenly tried to marry my robots! No one!!!

 

 **Tony:** You better regret doing that, Steve

 

 **Stevie:** I don’t. Sorry.

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Punk ass bitch

 

 **Stevie:** Shut up jerk

 

 **Bruce:** You’re all ridiculous.

 

 **Tony:** Brucey! Science Bro! What do you think of my idea?

 

 **Bruce:** I mean, you’ve had a lot worse of ideas, so this could work out.

 

 **Tony:** Finally, someone who is truly on my side!

 

 **Tony:** But the real deciding factor in this is Twitter

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** No.

 

 **Tony:** Yes, Mr. Eyepatch

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** I hate you with every bone in my body.

 

 **Maria:** Trust me, Fury, we know

 

-

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

Okay, Twitter, I have a serious question: should I start a restaurant? Vote below in the poll!

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

tony stark wanting to make a restaurant for seemingly no reason? more likely than you think

 

 **katie** @itiswednesdaymydudes

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay_

i bet he has some weird ass reason for doing this

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay and @itiswednesdaymydudes_

Of course I do

 

 **megan** @everyonesucksokay

_In reply to @tonystark_

WHAT IS IT ?? I WANT THE TEAAA

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay_

I read this cute ass fanfic called “Feed The Body, Nourish The Soul” by copperbadge on AO3 and now I want TOBRU to be real

 

 **CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay and @tonystark_

I cannot believe you want to do this because you read fanfiction.

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay and @pepperpotts_

I could be doing worse things!

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

I just remembered that I’m mad at Steve so here’s a special gift [insert the video peter sent to the group chat]

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @tonystark_

You’re just asking me to post that video of you

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @steverogers_

DON’T YOU DARE, ROGERS.

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @steverogers_

Beside, this was revenge for exposing me

 

 **Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @tonystark_

Fine, you’re safe. For now.

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

Okay the votes are in!

Yes: 65.8%

No: 21.2%

Maybe: 6.2%

Who Cares??: 6.8%

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

I’m starting a restaurant! Yay!

 

 **CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

_In reply to @tonystark_

The only good thing about this is that you have resources to do this.

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @pepperpotts_

What about my happiness?

 

 **CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

_In reply to @tonystark_

I guess that’s good too.

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_In reply to @pepperpotts_

What do you mean you guess?? I thought you loved me!

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

Always have friends that support you, kids

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

Even if they try to hide it by being rude to you >:/

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

Anyway, the next episode of #kuwta will be airing next week- it’s a good one!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, any ideas for the next keeping up with the avengers? let me know and i’ll gladly include it in the story!


	13. Keeping Up With The Avengers Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is dumb, Peter is mad, and Tony actually can give good advice (despite what Loki thinks).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m surprised i even wrote this bc i had no idea what to write about.  
> i hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think in the comments! :)

 

The camera zooms in Steve’s face as he walks out of the elevator, looking like he wants to die (which he does, of course). There’s a gash on his forehead and blood dripping from it, but he seems unconcerned as he goes to his room, limping slightly. Once in his room, he strips off his suit, leaving the viewers with a wonderful shot of his chest (despite how bruised it is). As Steve takes a shower (which the camera crew tried to film but failed after they got the eyebrows of disappointment), Tony enters his room, frowning at the suit laying on the floor. Peter enters a second later, shoving past Tony and walking into the bathroom. “Why didn’t you tell me you were home? And why are you still bleeding?”

Tony shakes his head as Peter yells at Steve and picks up Steve’s suit before leaving, winking at the camera. “What does that mean?” A producers asks and Jarvis answers, “It meant nothing at all,” which scares the camera crew. “This place is going to give me a heart attack one-” Before the producer can finish talking, Peter opens the bathroom door to glare at him. “All of you get out. Now.” “Is something-” “Get out!”

It cuts to black before cutting to Loki and Tony on the couch in the living room and Peter on the ceiling above him. “What happened last night, Peter?” Loki asks, tossing a pen in his hand, which Tony takes from him a second later, poking Loki in the shoulder with it. “Don’t make him upset.” Loki rolls his eyes and looks up at Peter, who is drawing spiderwebs on his hands. “Steve was being stupid and I got mad at him.” “What he do that was stupid this time?” “Loki, quit pushing it. He’s obviously upset.” Tony pokes Loki again and Loki glares at him, but stops when he sees the look in Tony’s eyes. “You don’t need to answer my questions, Peter.”

Peter sighs and drops down from the ceiling, landing on the carpet before sitting down. “I know, I know. I just wish Steve wasn’t so reckless, you know? He always gets himself hurt and I hate to see him in pain, it sucks. And we’ve talked about it before, but I don’t know if he’ll ever stop and it’s just really concerning me because I don’t want him to get killed or something.” The room is silent for a minute before Tony speaks up. “Have you asked him why he’s so reckless?” Peter shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. “I mean I think I know why but I don’t want to upset him by asking, you know?” “Kid, even if he does get upset, he’ll still talk to you. He won’t shut you out just because you asked him, I mean he’s your soulmate and we both know that he’d tell you anything if you really want to know.”

“And I never thought you could give good advice.” Loki remarks and Tony shoves him off the couch, making Peter laugh. “Why don’t you go talk to him now?” Peter nods and leaves the room, presumably going to Steve’s room. “Did you really have to do that?” “Shut up, reindeer games.”

In the next scene, all of the Avengers (official and non-official) and their soulmates are in the living room, minus Steve and Peter. “Where are they?” Maria asks, leaning against Pepper on the loveseat. “They’re talking it out in Steve’s room.” Tony answers, doing god knows what on his Starkpad™️. “Are you sure they’re only talking?” Bucky jokes and yelps when Sam smacks his arm. “Shut up, Barnes.”

A moment later, Steve steps into frame, wearing only pink pajama pants covered in llamas. “Nice pants, Captain.” Natasha says, earning a glare from the super soldier, who goes into the kitchen. “Have you eaten anything all day?” Clint asks him, getting up to (probably) harass Steve. “Not really, no.” “Steven! Your health is not a game!” Thor yells and Steve sighs, doging Clint as he tries to tickle him. “It can if I want it to be.” “Steven, you should be taking care of yourself! And what are all those bruises from?” “My guess is Peter’s hands, if you know what I mean.”

“Shut up, Tony.” Peter says, casually walking on the wall as if there’s nothing unusual about it. “He got them from being a moron.” “Have you two not resolved your conflict?” Loki asks and Peter rolls his eyes. “We did but I’m still mad at him.” “Sexual tension much?” Clint jokes and Peter steps off the wall, shooting a web onto his face. “Ew! Get it off me! I don’t deserve this!”

-

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

clint freaking out over having a spiderweb on his face is a big mood #kuwta

**tony! stark!** @iloveironmanokay

tony giving peter advice gave me such dad vibes omg #kuwta

**rachel** @canipleasegetawaffle

of course steve has those pajama pants #kuwta

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @canipleasegetawaffle_

They’re comfortable, fight me

**spiderman fan** @spidermannnn

i’m living for peter being upset w/ steve ngl it shows how even soulmates don’t have a perfect relationship #kuwta

**lila** @beautyschooldropout

seeing tony + loki together makes me so happy i love them #kuwta

**katie** @itiswednesdaymydudes

steve’s face when he walks out of the elevator is the most relatable thing i’ve ever seen #kuwta

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

the real question is: did @spideysense ever stop being mad at steve?? #kuwta

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_In reply to @everyonesucksokay_

yeah after like two days

**griffyn** @imboredoutofmymind

@spideysense is steve less stupid now #kuwta

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_In reply to @imboredoutofmymind_

lmao no but he gets less injuries now when he goes on missions so i think he finally listened to me :)

**Spiderman** @spideysense

since everyone keeps asking me: here’s a picture of steve in those pants [insert picture of steve asleep on the floor w/ the pink llama pants on]

**spiderman fan** @spidermannnn

_In reply to @spideysense_

why is steve on the floor?

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_In reply to @spidermannnn_

bc he passed out after not sleeping for like four days

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_In reply to @spiderman_

I asked you not to post that

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_In reply to @steverogers_

oops sorry i love you :)

**Spiderman** @spideysense

okay i’m going to log off now before clint makes a shit joke about steve and i having to make up now bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave me an idea for this story bc i have none oops


	14. Peter Wants To Get Married (And Nobody Is Surprised)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating this sooner! i have literally zero inspo for this story oops

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

_ *Stevie has been removed from the group* _

 

**petey:** i have an announcement to make

 

**Tony:** Oh god

 

**petey:** it’s a good one !!!

 

**princess shuri:** is it really tho ?

 

**petey:** shut up

 

**petey:** is everyone online yet

 

**JARVIS:** They are indeed, Peter.

 

**Tony:** J, why are you even on this?

 

**JARVIS:** To monitor everyone’s well-being, sir.

 

**Tony:** I don’t remember giving you feelings

 

**JARVIS:** I am still not capable of having feelings, but I am quite protective of you and your family, sir.

 

**Tony:** Quit trying to make me cry

 

**On your left:** Why are you going to cry?

 

**Pepper:** Because he just realized he has a family now.

 

**Badass Bitch:** it’s really taken you this long to figure that out tony?

 

**Tony:** Leave me alone

 

**Tony:** We all know I don’t do well with feelings

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** Peter what’s the announcement I’m bored

 

**petey:** oh right! so um

 

**petey:** i want to get married to stevie

 

**On your left:** Wow. How shocking.

 

**Pepper:** Stop being rude, Sam. I think that’s great, Peter!

 

**wanda:** i want to be the flower girl

 

**Badass Bitch:** so do i

 

**petey:** you both could do it !

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** Wait why did you remove Stevie from the group chat? Does he not know?

 

**petey:** no i got him a ring the other day and i was gonna give it to him tonight

 

**Gotta Go Fast:** you’re so pure

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** I’m surprised we haven’t corrupted you that badly yet

 

**wanda:** it’ll happen soon enough

 

**Tony:** When is the wedding? I want all the details.

 

**Pepper:** You’re not helping them plan the wedding, Tony. 

 

**On your left:** Plus they’re not even engaged yet, Stark.

 

**Tony:** Quiet, Wilson. We all know I have zero patience

 

**petey:** tony you can help me plan the proposal tho !

 

**Pepper:** No.

 

**petey:** but i want him to ! please pep :(

 

**Pepper:** Okay fine.

 

**petey:** yay!

 

**Tony:** Kid get down here

 

**petey:** i’m nervous now but it’s fine

 

**Bruce:** It’ll be fine, Peter. We all know Steve will say yes no matter what.

 

-

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

If this doesn’t go well, I'm gonna throw myself off a bridge.

 

**CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

_ In reply to @tonystark _

Tony! Don’t say things like that!

 

**Trickster** @loki

_ In reply to @tonystark _

Tony, we’ve talked about this…

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @pepperpotts _

Sorry Pep

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @loki _

I know honey, I’ll try not to say stuff like that. Love you <3

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

I’ve been waiting all day for this

 

**Falcon** @samwilson

This will either go spectacularly wrong or shockingly well.

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

dear clint, we’re all excited too, but please shut the fuck up

 

**Scarlet Witch** @wandamaximoff

_ In reply to @widowsbite _

a big mood

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @widowsbite and @wandamaximoff _

you two love me

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

_ In reply to @birdman _

only because we have no other choice

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @widowsbite _

shut up. i hate you

 

**Scarlet Witch** @wandamaximoff

_ In reply to @widowsbite and @hawkeyes _

she was kidding babe, we both love you <3

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

@widowbite Get your soulmate out of my vent so I don’t have the urge to cry because he’s crying

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

@birdman i’m sorry clint i do love you so much you idiot

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @widowsbite _

okay your apology is accepted. love you too 

 

**loser** @peterparkour

my stress level rn: through the roof

 

**sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

it’ll work out, chill out loser

 

**guy in the chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

dude what mj said

 

**loser** @peterparkour

@steverogers quit giving me the look

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

What look?

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @steverogers _

you know exactly what i’m talking about !

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

_ In reply to @peterparkour and @steverogers _

You two morons are supposed to be on a date, not on Twitter

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @buckybarnes _

Leave us alone

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

Holy shit. Oh my god. @loki I’m cryING

 

**Trickster** @loki

_ In reply to @tonystark _

I know. I am too.

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

Sam’s crying right now lol

 

**Falcon** @samwilson

_ In reply to @buckybarnes _

So are you, Barnes.

 

**Scarlet Witch** @wandamaximoff

that was the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen in my life

 

**Quicksilver** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @wandamaximoff _

same

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

i think all of the avengers are crying (myself included)

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

_ In reply to @birdman _

fury, phil, and maria are crying too

 

**May Parker** @mayparker

My little boy is all grown up :*)

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

Your friendly neighborhood spiderman and Captain America are getting married <3

 

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

peter and steve are getting married,,,, my heart

 

**rachel** @canipleasegetwaffle

@peterparkour @steverogers i want the engagement pics or else

 

**cap owns my ass** @starspangledsteve

petition for steve to wear his suit to the wedding

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @starspangledsteve _

i’ll gladly sign it

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @starspangledsteve and @peterparkour _

I would only agree to wear the navy blue one

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

@steverogers You better wear that one or I’ll fight you

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

goodnight everyone ! thank you for all your sweet comments and don’t worry, stevie and i will post pictures soon <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plz leave me ideas k thanks


	15. Author’s Note

hi. so, idk if i should continue this story or not. i haven’t felt like writing any new chapters until yesterday, and honestly the last chapter was kinda boring (but aren’t they all tbh oops). yeah that’s bascially it so lemme know if you want me to keep writing this or not. okay thanks bye <3


	16. This Is Basically Filler Oops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seeing all the comments that you guys wanted me to continue this literally made me so so happy. thank you so much for reading this shit show and leaving comments <3

**#1 antman stan** @antsandantman

why doesn’t scott have a twitter yet

 

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

_ In reply to @antsandantman _

bc the author keeps forgetting to include him in the story,,,, they apologize 

 

**#1 antman stan** @antsandantman

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay _

what did i just read

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @antsandantman _

i’ll ask scotty to make one :)

 

**spidey fan** @spideyboi

_ In reply to @antsandantman and @peterparkour _

“scotty” omG that’s so cute !!!

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

antman has a twitter ! @officialantman

 

**Scott Lang** @officialantman

@antman Please give me that name, whoever you are. This feels like the knockoff version. Sad.

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @officialantman _

lmao

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

_ In reply to @officialantman _

you have no leg to stand on mr.i-cried-because-hawkeye-was-taken

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @officialantman and @widowsbite _

stop exposing me :(

 

-

 

**spiderman fan** @spidermannnn

@peterparkour when is the wedding

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @spidermannnn _

um,,,, idk at some point this year

 

**cap owns my ass** @starspangledsteve

_ In reply to @spidermannnn and @peterparkour _

is steve going to wear the navy suit??

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @spidermannnn and @starspangledsteve _

ofc he is,,, he looks so fucking good in it

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @spidermannnn @starspangledsteve and @peterparkour _

Language!

 

**loser** @peterparkour

@tonystark quit stalking me on twitter ugly

 

**sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_ In reply to @michellejones _

i can’t believe you’re brave enough to call tony stark ugly

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @michellejones _

if steve can do it then so can i

 

**guy in the chair** @nedleeds

_ In reply to @nedleeds _

when did steve call tony ugly?

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @nedleeds _

on the group chat like months ago lmao

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

@peterparkour How dare you. I’m very tempted to take your suit away.

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @tonystark _

  1. stark,,, if you actually did that i would cry and then stevie would cry bc i’m crying and we all know you don’t want that



 

**Trickster** @loki

_ In reply to @tonystark and @peterparkour _

Tea.

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @loki _

Rude

 

**Trickster** @loki

_ In reply to @tonystark _

Love you.

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @loki _

Ugh. Love you too babe

 

**alyssa** @jurassicstark

_ In reply to @loki and @tonystark _

you two,,. are so adorable bye

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @loki and @jurassicstark _

Lmao thanks. Nice username btw

 

**alyssa** @jurassicstark

_ In reply to @loki and @tonystark _

oh my goD SHSJSKSKS THANK YOU I LOVE YOU

 

-

 

**rachel** @canipleasegetawaffle

@ the avengers: where are thor and bruce

 

**rachel** @canipleasegetawaffle

also, are shuri and t’challa going to be at the wedding? i need answers thxs

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

_ In reply to @canipleasegetawaffle _

thor and bruce are on asgard right now but they should be back in a few days

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

_ In reply to @canipleasegetawaffle _

@peterparkour get over here

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @canipleasegetawaffle _

of course they will be ! shuri would murder me if i didn’t invite her anyway

 

**What Are Those?** @princesshuri

@peterparkour @steverogers my mother wants to attend the wedding,,,, she won’t take no for an answer

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @princesshuri _

Do you really think we’re stupid enough to say no to her?

 

**What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @steverogers _

you live with tony stark,,, i think you can answer that question yourself

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

@princesshuri Don’t make me force Peter to take you off the guest list

 

**What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @tonystark _

you wouldn’t dare

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @princesshuri _

I kicked you out of the group chat before what makes you think I won’t do this?

 

**Black Panther** @tchalla

_ In reply to @tonystark and @princesshuri _

How are either of you two of the smartest people in the world?

 

**What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @tchalla _

go away, brother

 

**Don’t Mess With Me** @fury

@tonystark @princesshuri Shut up. You’re giving me a headache.

 

**Don’t Mess With Me** @fury

And you’re giving one to Pepper too. I’d get off of Twitter if I were you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hoped you like this even tho it was short :)


	17. Steve Goes To Jail (Peter Is Not Happy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> petey: stevie,,, why the actual fuck are you in jail rn ???
> 
> Stevie: Reasons
> 
> Raccoon Eyes: Shut up, Liberty Boy and tell us why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um sorry for taking so long to post this chapter, i literally just wrote it today lol. i hope you enjoy it! <3

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

_ *Stevie has been added to the group* _

 

**petey:** stevie,,, why the actual fuck are you in jail rn ???

 

**Stevie:** Reasons

 

**Raccoon Eyes** : Shut up, Liberty Boy and tell us why.

 

**Stevie:** Call me that again bitch and I’ll throw your ass off the Brooklyn Bridge

 

**Tony:** Oh god, Stevie is mad once again. Peter do something

 

**petey:** stevie quit being mad at bucky and explain !

 

**Stevie:** Later

 

**Maria:** We better not have to bail you out.

 

**Stevie:** You will

 

**Maria:** Goddammit Steve.

 

**Agent:** What happened?

 

**Pirate Grandad:** It better be a damn good reason, Rogers.

 

**Stevie:** Ugh

 

**Stevie:** Just watch the news or something

 

**petey:** or you could just tell us ! or more importantly, tell me !! your own fucking finance !!

 

**I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** i feel like an angry peter rivals an angry pepper potts

 

**wanda:** sure, jan. peter looks a puppy even when he’s angry

 

**Stevie:** I have to agree with Clint

 

**Stevie:** Because none of you saw how mad he was at me that one night

 

**petey:** yeah well unless you tell me what happened then i’m still just as mad at you now as i was then

 

**wanda:** are you referring to when peter told the camera people to leave the room on an episode of the show

 

**Badass Bitch:** yeah they are

 

**Tony:** Okay but can Stevie please tell us what happened now

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** You all act like this is the first time Liberty Boy has been in jail lmao

 

**Pepper:** What.

 

**Pepper:** When?

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** Growing up he was a little shit and got into fights, which apparently isn’t common knowledge

 

**On your left:** Dude, the public wanted him to be the golden boy, and he lied on all of his enlistment forms, so of course the whole world doesn’t know

 

**Badass Bitch:** i want proof

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** Unlikely you’ll get any because the military erased his record

 

**Tony:** I wish I could get my record cleared

 

**Rhodes:** Like that will ever happen

 

**Tony:** A man can dream, honey bear

 

**Snake Bitch:** You midgardians are fools.

 

**Tony:** I would say I’m excluded, but we all know that’s not true

 

**Snake Bitch:** You’re just my fool.

 

**Tony:** Damn straight

 

**princess shuri:** you two are annoying

 

**princess shuri:** steve,,, give us the tea

 

**princess shuri:** @peter get on here idiot

 

**petey:** i’m busy

 

**Stevie:** You better not be doing what I think you’re doing

 

**petey:** at least i’m not in jail

 

**Stevie:** :(

 

**petey:** you’re not making me feel guilty

 

**petey:** like at all, babe

 

**princess shuri:** gross,,,,

 

**Gotta Go Fast:** what’s going on

 

**wanda:** who knows anymore

 

**Point Break:** Hello friends! I have returned!

 

**Bruce:** They know, honey. I told them this morning.

 

**Point Break:** I know, but I wanted to greet them!

 

**Tony:** Sup Point Break

 

**Loki:** Hello, brother.

 

**Point Break:** Why is Steven in jail? This is unlike our Captain!

 

**princess shuri:** lmao mood

 

**petey:** shuri shut up

 

**princess shuri:** someone’s,,,, dare i say it,,,, a little salty

 

**petey:** of course i’m fucking salty

 

**Tony:** Your language is getting out of hand today, kid

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** He’s Stevie’s soulmate, what did you expect?

 

**Maria:** Can someone tell me why Steve is in jail?

 

**petey:** he’s a dumbass bitch that’s why

 

**Rhodes:** That’s a solid reason but I think there’s more to the story

 

**I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** duh

 

**petey:** stevie, tell them

 

**Stevie:** Ugh why me

 

**petey:** because you’re the one in jail !!!

 

**Stevie:** Okay fine

 

-

 

**TMZ** @tmz

Steve Rogers, AKA Captain America, has been arrested for assault. Click the link to view the video!

 

**CNN News** @cnn

Captain America is now in jail after assaulting two men in New York City.

 

**E! News** @enewsonline

Steve Rogers arrested for assault?! Let us know your thoughts on the story!

 

-

 

**cap owns my ass** @starspangledsteve

@steverogers what even

 

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

captain america being in jail is fucking wild

 

**spidey fan** @spiderboi

@spideysense why is ur husband in jail

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_ In reply to @spiderboi _

because two guys were trying to attack a lady and stevie saw,,,, you can guess what happened next

 

**katie** @itiswednesdaymydudes

@spideysense okay this question sounds bad but does like, steve always hurt ppl when he sees stuff like that?

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_ In reply to @itiswednesdaymydudes _

no but they wouldn’t leave her alone and he wasn’t going to let them get away with it

 

-

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

@peterparkour can I expose Stevie?

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @buckybarnes _

lmao go for it

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

@peterparkour wait are you still mad at him

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @birdman _

yeah but a lot less because i know why he did it

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

are you two gonna have makeup sex

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @birdman _

quit being nasty,,, this is why you’re the worst avenger

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

the disrespect…

 

**Falcon** @samwilson

_ In reply to @peterparkour and @birdman _

Are you surprised?

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

Fun fact: Steve Rogers, everyone’s favorite American, has been to jail before! 

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

He always got into fights when we were younger and could never resist getting punched in the face until I came to his rescue- (almost) every single time because he can not stay out of trouble

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

Guess who bailed Stevie out of jail! [insert picture of steve smirking in the backseat of a car with a very unhappy peter yelling at him]


	18. Steve and Peter Traumatize Scott (And Tony Makes Everything Worse)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scotty: I’m so glad that I don’t live with Peter and Steve.
> 
> Raccoon Eyes: You walked in on them didn’t you?
> 
> Scotty: Yes, and now I’m scarred for the rest of my  
> life.
> 
> Scotty: Why doesn’t the technology to erase a single memory exist?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i have a new story called 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 so you check that out if you’re interested lol. also: this chapter has references to sex but nothing explicit. anyway i hope you like it!

* * *

**Cap Updates** @capamericaupdates

Steve and Peter spotted in San Francisco earlier today! [insert picture of steve and peter in matching leather jackets]

(A/N: I tried to upload the edit I made but it didn’t work)

 

**cap owns my ass** @starspangledsteve

steve in a leather jacket >>>

 

**spiderman fan** @spidermannnn

peter looks so good omg

 

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

i stan matching husbands

 

**rachel** @canipleasegetawaffle

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay _

same uwu

 

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

_ In reply to @canipleasegetwaffle _

you’re the reason my username exists

 

**rachel** @canipleasegetawaffle

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay _

i’m offended (not really)

 

**spidey fan** @spiderboi

@peterparkour why aren’t you in queens

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @spiderboi _

because stevie and i went to see scott :)

 

**Scott Lang** @officialantman

@steverogers Your cookies are a gift from God.

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @officialantman _

You annoy me sometimes but I have to agree

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

@steverogers Hey punk you’re making me some when you get back

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @officialantman _

Thanks Scott

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @buckybarnes _

Only if you promise not to scare Peter again

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

_ In reply to @steverogers _

You’re the worst

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @buckybarnes _

I know, jerk

 

-

 

**Bruce Banner** @sciencebro

@tonystark Thor broke the toaster again…

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @brucebanner _

Why didn’t you text me that?

 

**Bruce Banner** @sciencebro

_ In reply to @tonystark _

Because you’re on a science binge and Twitter is the only thing that will distract you. Besides an angry Pepper. And the group chat.

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @brucebanner _

Okay you have a point. But you also forgot about Loki

 

**CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

_ In reply to @brucebanner and @tonystark _

Tony, don’t you dare say something inappropriate.

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @brucebanner and @pepperpotts _

Okay fine

 

-

 

**Avengers Group Chat**

 

**Scotty:** I’m so glad that I don’t live with Peter and Steve.

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** You walked in on them didn’t you?

 

**Scotty:** Yes, and now I’m scarred for the rest of my

life.

 

**Scotty:** Why doesn’t the technology to erase a single memory exist?

 

**Tony:** I’m sure Shuri is working on it

 

**princess shuri:** i actually am, broken white boy

 

**Tony:** Not this again

 

**petey:** idk why you’re surprised

 

**Tony:** Aren’t you doing it with Steve right now?

 

**Bruce:** Tony, stop it.

 

**Tony:** What? I thought Peter was supposed to be busy, fight me

 

**petey:** lmao

 

**Tony:** Answer me

 

**petey:** no

 

**I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** they’re definitely still at it

 

**wanda:** sometimes i really hate this group chat

 

**Badass Bitch:** don’t we all

 

**On your left:** Wait, Scott where are you?

 

**Scott:** At a hotel, why?

 

**On your left:** Thank Thor

 

**petey:** you really think we would have sex at scott’s house???

 

**On your left:** I wouldn’t be surprised

 

**May:** Peter.

 

**petey:** hi may !!

 

**May:** We’ve talked about this.

 

**petey:** i know but i didn’t start it !

 

**Tony:** I’m missing something

 

**petey:** may doesn’t want me to talk about the stuff stevie and i do 

 

**wanda:** i don’t blame her

 

**Tony:** Peter give me the tea on Stevie

 

**petey:** hell no

 

**Badass Bitch:** quit being gross tony

 

**Tony:** Never

 

**Tony:** I just want to know how kinky he is

 

**Pepper:** Tony, I’m so close to stabbing you in the eye with a stiletto.

 

**petey:** same pep

 

**petey:** if you want to know ask him yourself

 

**Tony:** @ Stevie get on here

 

**petey:** Fuck off - Steve

 

-

 

**War Machine** @jimrhodes

Everytime I read the group chat, part of my soul dies.

 

**Quicksilver** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @jimrhodes _

big mood

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

we need to start a petition to stop tony from being invasive 

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @widowsbite _

one can only hope he stops

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

_ In reply to @birdman _

like you’re any better

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @widowsbite _

quit attacking me

 

**CEO of SI** @pepperpotts

@widowsbite I’ll gladly sign it.

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @pepperpotts _

Betrayal

 

**Trickster** @loki

@tonystark You’re so dramatic

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @loki _

Yeah well so are you

 

-

 

**Two Losers and a Queen**

 

**queen bee:** what happened in the group chat

 

**petey:** scott told everyone how he walked in on us and then tony was being gross

 

**ned:** like how gross??

 

**petey:** like he wanted to know what stevie’s into

 

**petey:** but then stevie told him to fuck off which was great

 

**queen bee:** this is exactly why i can’t stand him

 

**petey:** ik but he’s not always this bad

 

**petey:** like he actually cares about me and the other avengers so much even tho he pretends to be an asshole most of the time

 

**queen bee:** are you sure he’s pretending

 

**petey:** i mean sometimes,,,, i think 

 

**ned:** wait how did scott walk in on you guys in the first place?

 

**petey:** well we were in our hotel room (that didn’t have thin walls,,,, a miracle) and earlier we had given him a key so you can guess what happened

 

**queen bee:** i wish i had a picture of his face when he saw you

 

**petey:** lmao same

 

**petey:** he didn’t even say anything he just slowly walked out and closed the door

 

**ned:** rip scott

 

**queen bee:** can i know what you were doing

 

**petey:** i’m not texting it to you

 

**petey:** i don’t want aunt may to somehow see this and then kill me

 

**petey:** why do you want to know anyway

 

**queen bee:** i need to practice drawing things other than people’s faces

 

**petey:** i am not giving you anything

 

**queen bee:** peter

 

**petey:** ned help me out

 

**ned:** nah i want to see mj’s recreation

 

**petey:** i hate both of you 

 

**petey:** …

  
**petey:** how much info do you need ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you have any ideas for the next chapter or #kuwta let me know!


	19. Keeping Up With The Avengers Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not posting in ages. i’ve had no ideas for this fic but i managed to make a short chapter, so i hope that you enjoy it :)

**cap owns my ass** @starspangledsteve

did steve seriously jump out of a plane without a parachute??? #kuwta

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @starspangledsteve _

Maybe

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_ In reply to @starspangledsteve and @steverogers _

stevie,,,, we’ve talked about this

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @starspangledsteve and @spideysense _

I know, but that’s not gonna stop me

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_ In reply to @starspangledsteve and @steverogers _

i think it’s time for you to see your therapist again

 

**alyssa** @jurassicstark

@ avengers: is your job always this dangerous ? #kuwta

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

_ In reply to @jurassicstark _

most of the time

 

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

steve getting slammed into a building is a big mood #kuwta

 

**Ice Ice Baby** @buckybarnes

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay _

Same.

 

**rachel** @canipleasegetawaffle

does steve always get this hurt ??? like a bitch is not okay in this episode #kuwta

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @canipleasegetawaffle _

He’s the most reckless person to ever exist, so yes, he always gets badly injured

 

**cap owns my ass** @starspangledsteve

@steverogers why can’t you have painkillers ??? and when did sam show up #kuwta

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @starspangledsteve _

Because my metabolism is 4x the average person’s. And idk, ask him

 

**Falcon** @samwilson

_ In reply to @starspangledsteve and @steverogers _

I showed up when Clint was falling off a building and Tony couldn’t get to him in time

 

**Falcon** @samwilson

@birdman You never thanked me.

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @samwilson _

thanks sam

 

**megan** @everyonesucksokay

wait,,, who is natasha’s soulmate ?? clint or wanda ? #kuwta

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay _

both :)

 

**Hawkeye** @birdman

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay and @widowsbite _

are you mad at me

 

**Black Widow** @widowsbite

_ In reply to @everyonesucksokay and @birdman _

  1. i can use a smiley face without being mad at someone



 

**griffyn** @imboredoutofmymind

mood: steve glaring at tony when he walked into steve’s hospital room #kuwta

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @imboredoutofmymind _

I didn’t even do anything!

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @imboredoutofmymind and @tonystark _

You ignored my orders

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @imboredoutofmymind and @steverogers _

But you know why!

 

**katie** @itiswednesdaymydudes

are the avengers meetings always this chaotic? #kuwta

 

**Quicksilver** @pietromaximoff

_ In reply to @itiswednesdaymydudes _

of course they are. none of us should be allowed near each other

 

**spidey fan** @spiderboi

why did peter just walk into the room and fall dramatically into steve’s lap?? fury’s glare at him was iconic lmao #kuwta

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_ In reply to @spiderboi _

bc i missed him

 

**Iced Americano** @steverogers

_ In reply to @spiderboi and @spideysense _

You saw me like 20 minutes before that

 

**Spiderman** @spideysense

_ In reply to @spiderboi and @spideysense _

shut up

 

**May Parker** @mayparker

@peterparkour @steverogers You two are so codependent I’m starting to worry.

 

**What Are Those?**  @princesshuri

_ In reply to @mayparker _

a big mood

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @mayparker and @princesshuri _

it’s fine, may

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @mayparker _

Please stop them

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @mayparker and @tonystark _

nobody asked for your opinion, tony stank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps- i didn’t read over this, so let me know if there are any mistakes


	20. Author’s Note 2.0

hello to anyone reading this! so, i haven’t gotten like any feedback on this story in a while (minus a sweet comment i got the other day <3) and i wanted to know some of your thoughts! i have no idea where to take the story, except to make steve and peter get married at some point lol. and idk if i should keep making it because i think it sucks, but that’s probably just me being hard on myself. but anyway just let me know if you have any ideas or stuff for this story! 

(ps- sorry this isn’t a new chapter; i’m working on a new one but i might scrap it)


	21. Peter Gets Suspended (ft. Shuri)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s a new chapter for you guys! thank you so so so much for you sweet comments, it made my day to see them. you guys are the best :*)  
> i hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

**petey:** i just got suspended,,,, are you shitting mE

 

 **Stevie:** What did you do?

 

 **Tony:** Really kid?

 

 **petey:** i didn’t even do anything ! i was falsely accused !! 

 

 **May:** You better tell us the truth.

 

 **petey:** i promise it was not me !

 

 **princess shuri:** sure, jan

 

 **petey:** it wasn’t ! if anything it’s stevie’s fault

 

 **Stevie:** What are talking about

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Oh my god Peter if you got suspended for that I’m going to die

 

 **On your left:** Are you thinking what I’m thinking Bucky?

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Definitely

 

 **Tony:** What are you two talking about?

 

 **May:** Peter, please don’t tell me that is why you got suspended.

 

 **petey:** um,,,, it might be why

 

 **Stevie:** I told you to cover it up

 

 **Stevie:** It shouldn’t even be there anymore

 

 **petey:** i know but you’re aggressive !!

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** lmao Stevie is possessive

 

 **Stevie:** Shut up

 

 **Tony:** You seriously got suspended because of that?

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** peter out here wildin

 

 **petey:** you’re annoying

 

 **princess shuri:** what happened colonizer ?

 

 **petey:** i shouldn’t have even said i got suspended

 

 **Pepper:** What’s going on? What did Steve do? Peter, he better not have hurt you.

 

 **petey:** he didn’t hurt me !

 

 **petey:** and if he did i would hurt him back

 

 **wanda:** did they think you got in a fight or something?

 

 **petey:** hi wanda ! and yeah, they think i fought flash

 

 **wanda:** why?? spiderman wouldn’t fight some dumb high school kid

 

 **petey:** i know !!! at least i can stay home for a couple of days

 

 **Pepper:** Peter, I still don’t understand why you got suspended.

 

 **petey:** well,,,, stevie um

 

 **petey:** he did some stuff last night

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Lmao just admit it kid

 

 **petey:** stevie gave me a bunch of hickeys okay bye

 

 **Pepper:** STEVEN.

 

 **Stevie:** It’s not my fault they didn’t go away overnight!

 

 **Stevie:** And I told him to cover them up this morning, so this really isn’t my fault

 

 **Scotty:** Can I be kicked out of this group chat please?

 

 **On your left:** Nah, if we gotta deal with this shit, you have to Tic Tac

 

 **Tony:** Wait, kid, why would you get suspended if you’re the one with the bruises and Flash doesn’t have any (I’m assuming you didn’t beat him up)

 

 **petey:** i don’t know ! they just assumed that we fought each other,,,, i’ve told you how dumb my school is

 

-

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

guess who got suspended lmao

 

 **Fastest Guy Alive** @flashthompson

_In reply to @peterparkour_

i can’t believe you got me suspended too! my lawyers will be calling yours

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @flashthompson_

lmao like they’ll be able to do anything. have you forgotten who i am?? and who i live with??

 

 **Fastest Guy Alive** @flashthompson

_In reply to @peterparkour_

quit lying about being spiderman, it’s getting old parker

 

 **sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_In reply to @peterparkour and @flashthompson_

you’re literally delusional flash

 

 **Fastest Guy Alive** @flashthompson

_In reply to @peterparkour and @michellejones_

stay out of it, weirdo

 

 **What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_In reply to @peterparkour @flashthompson_

leave my white boy alone, colonizer

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @princesshuri_

are you coming over today ??

 

 **What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_In reply to @peterparkour_

duh. meet me in the labz

 

 **loser** @peterparkour

_In reply to @princesshuri_

nobody puts a z instead of an s anymore, shuri. it isn’t 2010

 

-

 

 **Tony:** May, can you help me ban Peter from hanging out with Shuri?

 

 **May:** I think you’re being dramatic, Stark.

 

 **Tony:** I’m not! They made Jarvis play that stupid Cardi B song everytime I walk into a room

 

 **May:** They could’ve done something way worse.

 

 **Tony:** I know! If they keep this up, what else will they do?

 

 **Badass Bitch:** you’re ridiculous

 

 **Tony:** Nobody asked you for your opinion

 

 **Badass Bitch:** well too bad, you’re getting it

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** nat are you salty bc peter and shuri went to the store with steve 

 

 **Badass Bitch:** shut up

 

 **wanda:** it’s okay to admit that you’re jealous, we all are sometimes

 

 **Badass Bitch:** okay fine maybe i am. but only a little bit

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** oNlY a liTtLe biT

 

 **Badass Bitch:** sometimes i want to kick you in the balls

 

 **Tony:** Please do

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** leave me alone tony. you know you love me

 

 **Tony:** You’re not Loki, so I don’t love you

 

 **wanda:** wait is loki even in this group chat?

 

 **Tony:** No he said that it’s stupid 

 

 **Badass Bitch:** he’s not wrong

 

-

 

 **Spiderman** @spideysense

if you want to piss of tony stark, here’s how :)

[insert a video of peter and shuri hiding behind a desk, laughing quietly when tony walks in. as soon he steps into the room, i like it starts to play _very_ loudly and he instantly glares at the two teenagers, who run past him]

 

 **You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

PSA: Spiderman is a menace

 

 **Spiderman** @spideysense

_In reply to @tonystark_

rude

 

 **guy in the chair** @nedleeds

_In reply to @spideysense_

omg only you would do that to mr. stark and get away with it

 

 **guy in the chair** @nedleeds

_In reply to @spideysense_

when will you not be suspended anymore?? mj and i miss you

 

 **sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_In reply to @spideysense and @nedleeds_

quit putting words in my mouth, loser

 

 **Spiderman** @spideysense

_In reply to @nedleeds and @michellejones_

you can admit that you care about me mj lol. and ned idk like next week? 

 

-

 

 **JARVIS:** I have received an alert from Fury that the Avengers are needed in California.

 

 **Tony:** What for J?

 

 **JARVIS:** He did not specify, sir.

 

 **On your left:** Has anyone watched the news lately?

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Who do you think we are Wilson?

 

 **Stevie:** Cut it out, Buck. 

 

 **Stevie:** Avengers, assemble.

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** that’s so underwhelming over text :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps- i didn’t really proof read this so let me know if there are any mistakes :)


	22. Don’t Let Peter Out Of Sight, Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can’t believe i’ve been working on this story for almost 7 months that’s crazy. anyway i hope you like this chapter, it’s not super long but it’s something lol. 
> 
> ps- sorry not being good at updating this story, i always want to but i never have that much inspiration

“Peter do you copy? Peter?” Steve said, and frowned when there was no reply on his com. “Anyone have eyes on him?” He asked, scanning the streets below him for any signs of his soulmate. “Tasha and I got nothing, Cap. You see him, Iron Man?” Clint said, and Steve could see him running away from the aliens, arrows never missing their target. “Nothing, Barton. Wanna blow this popsicle stand, Cap? There’s only a couple left.” Tony replied, landing next to Steve on the rooftop. Steve nodded and glanced at the soulmate mark on his wrist- Peter’s name was still black, which meant he was alive. But it didn’t explain why Peter wasn’t answering him.

 

Tony was right about there being a few aliens left, and Steve stood up, glancing at Tony. “I’m gonna look for him. Kill the rest of them and tell Shield they can come in now.” Tony nodded and flew away, giving orders to the rest of the team. Steve jumped over the rooftop’s edge and scaled the building quickly, landing on the sidewalk within seconds. He walked through the street, looking for any sign of Peter, and his worry increased when he didn’t see any webs or a red and blue suit anywhere. “Peter!” He called out as he stepped into an alleyway, but there was no answer. Steve tried calling him through the com again, but Peter’s voice never responded. 

 

He felt himself panicking as he ran through the city, desperately searching for any sign of his soulmate. As he passed a battered building, he heard a cry and he knew that it was Peter. He ran back to it and froze as he saw Peter lying on the ground, covered in blood. “Oh my god.” Steve rushed over to him and knelt besides Peter, who wasn’t moving. There was a large gash on his forehead that was bleeding profusely, masking half of Peter’s face in blood. Steve couldn’t see what injuries he had on his body; the suit hid them but judging by the amount of blood they were serious wounds. “Peter is down. I repeat Peter is down. I need a medic over to my location, now.”

 

-

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** What the hell happened?

 

 **Maria:** Peter got taken down by the things that attacked California.

 

 **Phil:** So that explains why Steve is having a mental breakdown in the middle of med bay.

 

 **Tony:** Fury if you ask us if we’ve done our field reports yet I’m going to slap you

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Why aren’t you threatening to kill him

 

 **Tony:** Because he would kill me first

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Coward

 

 **Tony:** Fuck off

 

 **Phil:** Boys, knock it off. Can any of you tell me why Peter is in surgery? Or am I just supposed to guess?

 

 **wanda:** should we really be texting about this? i feel like it would be better to talk about this in person

 

 **Tony:** If we talked about this in person we’d all be screaming at each other because Peter got hurt

 

 **wanda:** okay you have a point

 

 **Point Break:** WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO OUR FEARLESS LEADER AND THE MAN OF SPIDERS?

 

 **Bruce:** Thor, honey, please calm down.

 

 **Point Break:** NO BRUCE. I NEED ANSWERS.

 

 **Phil:** If someone decides to tell us what happened, then we will get answers, Thor.

 

 **Tony:** Manchurian Candidate go get Stevie

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** You think I haven’t been trying to do that? He’s not listening to me

 

 **On your left:** Should I ask his therapist to come over here?

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** I doubt that’ll do anything. Steve isn’t going to calm down until he sees Peter

 

 **Maria:** Bruce, can you let Steve see him?

 

 **Bruce:** I would but Peter is still in surgery so nobody can enter the room.

 

 **Tony:** Am I allowed to call Strange so he can let us in with magic?

 

 **Bruce:** I thought you didn’t believe in magic.

 

 **Tony:** Times change Brucie

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** The answer to that is no, Stark. Now one of you better start talking.

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** how can we tell you anything when none of us know what happened

 

 **Phil:** Not one of you saw what went down?

 

 **Badass Bitch:** no we were all singing kumbaya

 

 **Badass Bitch:** of course we didn’t see it. we were all trying to make sure nobody was getting killed

 

 **Phil:** Including Peter?

 

 **Tony:** Don’t you dare blame this on Steve

 

 **Maria:** It is his job to make sure you’re all accounted for.

 

 **I’m A Bird Motherfucker:** are you fucking kidding me? he trusts us to do our job and when we go off on our own he doesn’t need to hover over us

 

 **Phil:** But it is his responsibility to know where everyone is and what they’re doing.

 

 **Tony:** The man with a plan can’t do everything at once Phil! He has to fight the bad guys with us too

 

 **wanda:** steve shouldn’t be blamed for his soulmate getting hurt. we all know he trusts peter to do what he thinks is necessary

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Don’t make me kill you too, Phil. And Maria.

 

-

 

“Where’s Steve?” Peter asked, looking at Helen Cho, who motioned to the hallway. “I’ll go get him now that you’re awake.” As she soon as she opened the door, Steve bolted to where Peter lay, tears on his face. “Oh my god, Peter, are you okay?” Steve cusped his face, and Peter could see the look of guilt in his eyes. “I’m gonna be okay, Stevie,” Steve kissed him softly, and Peter tugged on his suit, making the blonde get on his hospital bed and lay next to him. He felt safe now that Steve was with him, and he knew his lover felt the same way.

 

-

 

 **Stevie:** Long story short, Peter went to save a group of kids when one of those things attacked him and Peter couldn’t get it off of him

 

 **Stevie:** So that’s what happened

 

 **petey:** also screw you phil + maria for blaming this on stevie !! (but i still love you,,, kind of)

 

 **Tony:** Big mood

 

 **On your left:** So you feeling better kid?

 

 **petey:** yeah now that i’m with stevie 

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** You two are so codependent it’s ridiculous

 

 **petey:** you’re ridiculous. and don’t act like you and sam aren’t

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** We really aren’t

 

 **petey:** sure, jan

 

 **Badass Bitch:** then how come you stalked sam when he went to the store the other day with rhodey?

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Because I had to make sure he was safe. And if he cheated on me I could kill Rhodey

 

 **Tony:** I swear you have a vendetta against Rhodey for no reason

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** I do not

 

 **Rhodes:** Uh huh. I looked at Sam once and you gave me your death glare.

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** What was I supposed to do?

 

 **On your left:** Babe, you can admit you’re overprotective

 

 **Raccoon Eyes:** Never

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** Stark, kick me out of this.

 

 **Tony:** Hell no

 

 **Pirate Grandad:** I’ll find a way to eventually.

 

 **Tony:** No you won’t. Right Jarvis?

 

 **JARVIS:** Right, sir. I will make Director Fury unable to leave the group chat.

 

 **Tony:** You’re the best, J

 

 **Badass Bitch:** sometimes i think you love jarvis more than loki

 

 **Tony:** Excuse me!! 

 

 **Tony:** How dare you say that! I love Loki more than anything in the entire universe!

 

_*loki has been added to the group*_

 

 **loki:** i thought i told you i didn’t want to be part of this mess

 

(A/N: so i re-read some of this story + i realized that i put loki in the group chat earlier and totally forgot, so just pretend that he got kicked out at some point or left it lol)


	23. Peter And Shuri Meet Harley!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally decided to put harley in this story after months of putting it off lol. i hope you like this chapter! <3

petey: tony,,, who is harley???

 

Tony: A kid I met a couple of years ago, why?

 

petey:  he followed me on twitter and i want to meet him

 

Tony: No. Dealing with you and Shuri right now is bad enough

 

princess shuri:  we’re saints, broken white man

 

Tony: It’s been ages Shuri, please stop calling me that

 

petey:  you’re asking the impossible

 

petey: but can we please meet him???

 

Tony: The three of you will be the death of me

 

Tony:  Let’s see if May will let you go

 

petey: may,,, can i go to harley’s house with shuri pleaseee

 

May: You can, but only if Steve goes with you.

 

petey:  YESSSS

 

Tony: I think it’s only fair that I go too considering I know the kid

 

princess shuri: i think we should make it a road trip

 

petey: oh my god pleasE tony

 

Tony: Only if Stevie agrees

 

Stevie: Why not? 

 

petey:  oh my god i’m so excited

 

-

 

“I have a feeling I’m going to regret this.” Tony said as he slid into the passenger’s seat, glancing at the two teenagers in the back seat. “No you won’t!” Peter attempted to reassure him, but Shuri’s cackling defeated it. “Oh he definitely will!” Tony sighed and put his sunglasses on, silently praying to Thor that this trip won’t be a total nightmare. “Stevie, are you excited?” Peter asked as his soulmate got in the driver’s seat and started the car. “I’m more excited than Tony, that’s for sure.” Steve said, laughing at Tony’s exasperated look. “They’re going to drive us insane, Steve. We might as well get out now.” Steve shook his head, smiling, and drove out of the compound.

 

He had been driving for only twenty minutes when the two teens decided to blast their music. “THE WHOLE SCHOOL IS ROLLING FAKE DICE YOU PLAY STUPID GAMES YOU WIN STUPID PRIZES!” As they screamed Taylor Swift, Steve laughed at their antics while Tony rolled his eyes and texted Harley’s mom, warning her of the trouble coming her way. “IT’S YOU AND ME NOTHING LIKE THIS! MISS AMERICANA AND THE HEARTBREAK PRINCE!” Their ‘singing’ goes on for an hour- much to Tony’s dismay (although this was better than what he had expected)- before the teenagers finally stop, giggling in the back seat. “Have you lost your voices yet?” Tony asked and, of course, they both screamed “No!” and he sighed, for the millionth time. Why did he agree to this?

 

“Are you having a good time, Steven?” Shuri asked as she and Peter began watching a Vine compilation, with headphones as requested (“You better put headphones on, listening to Taylor Swift was torturous enough”). “I’m having a wonderful time, Shuri.” Steve said, and Tony knew that was probably true considering Steve loved seeing Peter happy, even if he was yelling at the top of his lungs with his best friend. 

 

-

 

loser @peterparkour

road trip time !

[insert a picture taken from the dashboard of the car; steve is smiling, tony looks like he wants to be dead, peter is laughing at something, and shuri has a smirk on her face]

 

megan @everyonesucksokay

In reply to @peterparkour

where are you going??

 

loser @peterparkour

In reply to @everyonesucksokay

to a top secret location :)

 

sketching people in crisis @michellejones

In reply to @everyonesucksokay and @peterparkour

idiot

 

guy in the chair @nedleeds

In reply to @peterparkour

why wasn’t i invited? :(

 

loser @peterparkour

In reply to @nedleeds

your mom said you couldn’t go???

 

guy in the chair @nedleeds

In reply to @peterparkour

whaT are you kidding me

 

sketching people in crisis @michellejones

In reply to @peterparkour and @nedleeds

lmao i wish you could see his face rn peter

 

smarter than you are @harleykeener

@tonystark why didn’t you tell me about the kid earlier

 

You Know Who It Is @tonystark

In reply to @harleykeener

You know exactly why

 

loser @peterparkour

In reply to @harleykeener and @tonystark

mr stark knows we would outsmart him :)

 

You Know Who It Is @tonystark

In reply to @harleykeener and @peterparkour

Call me that one more time and I will turn this car around

 

Iced Americano @steverogers

@tonystark You can’t turn the car around if you aren’t driving it

 

You Know Who It Is @tonystark

In reply to @steverogers

Why are you tweeting while you’re driving? Don’t make me have you arrested

 

Iced Americano @steverogers

In reply to @tonystark

It wouldn’t be the first time

 

What Are Those?  @princesshuri

In reply to @steverogers

get off your phone white man

 

-

 

Tony: I told you guys that this was a bad idea

 

Stevie: I think you’re being a little dramatic

 

Tony: Am not!

 

Tony: The three of them are literally about to burn the house down

 

Pepper: And is there a reason you’re not doing anything about it?

 

Tony: I’m watching them! I won’t let them actually do it

 

petey: i promise we won’t burn down harley’s house pep !

 

petey: why isn’t harley in the group text ???

 

Tony: He doesn’t need to be exposed to this

 

Stevie: Aren’t Peter and Harley the same age?

 

petey: yeah ! why do i have to be exposed to this and not harley??

 

Tony: Because you live with us, kid

 

On your left: He’s got a point

 

petey: your supposed to be on my side sam !

 

On your left: Just because I’m Steve’s best friend doesn’t mean I’m yours

 

I’m A Bird Motherfucker: ROASTED

 

On your left: Go away, Barton

 

petey: i thought what we had was special :(

 

On your left: I don’t actually hate you, kid

 

Stevie: You better not

 

Raccoon Eyes: You know you’re overprotective, Stevie

 

Stevie: Good

 

Badass Bitch: you should add him to the chat

 

petey: i’m with nat :)

 

Tony: Nat only wants this because she likes to corrupt people

 

wanda: no lies detected (ily nat)

 

Gotta Go Fast: is harley part of the family now

 

petey:  um yes

 

Pirate Grandad: No.

 

petey: ????

 

Phil: We don’t know if we can trust him.

 

Tony: You can trust him. He helped me out a couple of years ago

 

Phil: Really?

 

Tony: I’ve told you about this before

 

Pepper:  He wrote a report to you after it happened. I can email it to you, if you want.

 

Phil: No it’s alright, Pepper. I suppose you can add him to this.

 

*harley davidson has been added to the group chat*

 

harley davidson: hey

 

harley davidson:  what is this

 

petey: it’s the avengers group chat !

 

harley davidson: oh boy

 

-

 

smarter than you  @harleykeener

@tonystark couldn’t keep us apart forever

[insert a picture of harley, peter, and shuri sitting outside, covered in an unknown liquid]

 

You Know Who It Is @tonystark

In reply to @harleykeener

Unfortunately not

 

loser @peterparkour

In reply to @harleykeener

it was fun hanging out with you !!

 

What Are Those? @princesshuri

In reply to @harleykeener

i can’t wait to bring you to wakanda

 

Black Panther @tchalla

In reply to @harleykeener and @princesshuri

Not until you have Mother’s permission, sister.

 

What Are Those? @princesshuri

In reply to @harleykeener and @tchalla

nobody asked, brother

 

smarter than you @harleykeener

In reply to @peterparkour

same. i want to meet ned and mj now

 

You Know Who It Is @tonystark

In reply to @peterparkour and @harleykeener

You’re going to give me gray hair

 

Hawkeye @birdman

@tonystark it’s already gray

 

You Know Who It Is @tonystark

In reply to @birdman

You little shit

 

Hawkeye @birdman

you can find me hiding in the vents for the next three days


	24. Wedding Planning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i meant to post way earlier but like always, i kept forgetting to and now suddenly it's been a month since i've updated this. so finally here's an update that i hope isn't too bad.

“Is this wedding ever going to happen? I mean it’s been ages since you got engaged and you’re  _ still _ planning. So please hurry up for all of our sanity.” Tony complained as he walked into the living room and sat next to Loki on the loveseat. “Weddings take time, Tony.” Pepper said, sorting through the various Pinterest boards Steve and Peter had made on her laptop. “Whatever. Wake me up when this is over.” Tony rested his head on Loki’s shoulder, closing his eyes. Loki put an arm around his soulmate and smiled softly, only to frown a second later when he heard a camera go off. He glared at Peter, who was grinning. “What? You looked so cute!” 

 

“Not as cute as these.” Pepper spun her laptop around to show Peter the screen. “Oh my god we need those, Pep. Steve, get back here!” Peter yelled and after a moment Steve entered the room, sitting next to him. “Are those reindeer?” “Obviously, but look! They’re sparkly! Shuri is going to die when she sees them.” As Peter was sending his best friend pictures of the reindeer decorations, Steve’s phone buzzed, and he glanced at it, tensing when he read the text.  _ You can’t get rid of us that easily, Rogers. _

 

-

 

**loser** @peterparkour

wedding update: we’re still planning, but our wedding is supposed to be on december 30!

 

**sketching people in crisis** @michellejones

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

knowing your luck that won’t happen

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @michellejones _

you need a vibe check

 

**spidey fan** @spideyboi

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

can i crash your wedding

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @spideyboi _

i wish you could but we already invited everyone :/

 

**smarter than you** @harleykeener

@peterparkour why wasn’t i invited, i’m offended

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @harleykeener _

the day we met i asked you to come and you said yes??

 

**smarter than you** @harleykeener

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

i thought you were joking

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @harleykeener _

idiot

 

**smarter than you** @harleykeener

_ In reply to @peterparkour _

rude

 

**Black Panther** @tchalla

@princesshuri Why did you buy 30 of those deer?

 

**What Are Those?** @princesshuri

_ In reply to @tchalla _

because peter showed them to me and they’re adorable

 

**You Know Who It Is** @tonystark

_ In reply to @tchalla and @princesshuri _

Those better not be real deer

 

**loser** @peterparkour

_ In reply to @tchalla @princesshuri and @tonystark _

guess you’ll have to find out, won’t you

 

-

 

**Tony:** Peter 

 

**petey:** relax they aren’t real deer mr. stark

 

**petey:** [ **https://www.target.com/p/glitter-deer-decorative-figurine-gold-wondershop-8482/-/A-54516696** ](https://www.target.com/p/glitter-deer-decorative-figurine-gold-wondershop-8482/-/A-54516696)

 

**Tony:** Why am I not surprised. Also quit calling me that

 

**petey:** i’d rather not mr. stark

 

**Tony:** Kid I swear to Thor

 

**loki:** why don’t you swear to me

 

**Pepper:** Tony, do not respond to that.

 

**Tony:** Fine

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** Has anyone seen Steve

 

**petey:** he said he went to shield like an hour ago

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** He’s not there

 

**On your left:** Maybe he went on a mission

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** Fury said he isn’t assigned to one until January

 

**On your left:** Steve has free will Bucky

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** I know but he won’t answer his phone

 

**petey:** he answered my text a minute ago,,, did you make him upset or something??

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** No

 

**On your left:** I’m sure he’s fine

 

**Tony:** You do know we’re talking about Steve right? If anything he’s doing something ridiculously reckless and we’re going to find out through the news 

 

**Raccoon Eyes:** Shut up. His tracker is off

 

**Tony:** What do you mean it’s off? You can’t turn it off unless you destroy the phone

 

**On your left:** Are you shitting me

 

**Tony:** Guess it’s time for Operation: Find Steve for the Millionth Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i have those little deer decorations in my house and they're so pretty! would highly recommend them (and they're only like 8 bucks so buying 30 like shuri would only cost like $240 lmao)

**Author's Note:**

> hi i hope you liked it even tho it probably sucks ! thanks to anyone who has read this :)


End file.
